Jaminite Adventures

Update

2010-03-18T11:13:00.002-07:00

I wasn't able to get my paperwork in so now I have until June 10th to send it in. I wasn't able to find enough postpartums that I did in the paperwork so I have to wait. I'm pretty sad about this but I suppose it will be fun to travel to Tennessee in October to take the test. It's going to cost a lot of money we don't have so I'm praying I get a few of my own clients so I can pay for it all.

An announcement

2010-03-07T09:50:00.003-07:00

The last three weeks have brought huge changes to our family. I was contacted by the midwife I did most of my apprenticeship under (Suzanne Smith - www.betterbirth.com ) and asked to join her group of midwives. Her requirement for all her midwives is that they have to be a CPM and licensed by the State. The next testing date for NARM, the CPM agency, is in August but I have to have my paper work in to them by March 10th. At the time I hadn't filled out a single record for them, consisting of about a 1/2 inch stack of papers. During all of my apprenticeship I didn't fill out the papers mostly because I was exceedingly busy with births and prenatal's, plus half way through I became pregnant with a surprise baby, and I was never 100% certain that I wanted to be licensed. So, for the last three weeks, I've been studying, studying, studying and looking through a ton of records. I took a whirlwind course on suturing and then Suzanne taught me the skills lab portion of it. This week I've spent about 40 hours going through records. It's been crazy and I'm incredibly close to being done but tomorrow is going to be insane trying to get the last little bit together and I'm still not sure I have all the numbers that I need. I have everything except enough postpartum visits. I'm praying that I can figure out when I did them because it would be incredibly frustrating to put in all the work that I have and then not be able to send it in.

So, what is my time line? If all goes well, I get my paperwork in on Monday afternoon and I take the test in August in Salt Lake. I will start doing the prenatals of my own clients at Better Birth under supervision for awhile, for women due after September and will act as a student midwife learning practice protocol and births where needed. If I don't get the paperwork in tomorrow I will have until June to finish it but will have to travel to Tennessee in October to take the test and will start taking clients due after October but will still act as a student until then.

As for Heritage Birth, my own midwifery business, nothing will change until October. I will still take my own clients due before then. For those that didn't know it, I've been operating as a DEM and taking clients since the end of last year. What does all this mean to you? Those clients due before October will be Heritage Birth clients, those due after will be Better Birth clients. The location of where I do prenatals will change depending on the due date. Heritage Birth clients will still have their prenatals done at their home, Better Birth clients will have prenatals done in Sugar House. The supervising midwife will also change.

I'm excited to join Better Birth for many reasons. It is a busy practice, I won't have to put together my own birth kit, I have the choice of three midwives to back me up and I don't have to take care of the business end by myself. I will essentially have a secretary! The only sad thing about it is that I lose the business name I love. I will hang on to it in case I decide to leave Better Birth someday but it won't be for a very long time.

This afternoon I started reflecting back on the last 18 years

2009-12-27T18:28:00.002-07:00

As I lay down today to take a nap I started thinking about some of the women in my life that have had a huge influence on me. I started to wonder what it was about them that left a special place in my heart. I think it was partly because we became good friends but I have been friends with many others so I was trying to figure out what was special about them. So I thought about them individually and tried to figure out what it was that was different about them and what I had learned from them and decided I'd like to post it here.

First is Sis. Barlow from the 33rd ward. I served in the Young Women's presidency with her as Secretary. I learned from her to accept people as they are even if I don't agree with the way they live or the choices they make. I learned to find something good about them and to find a way to connect with them. Because of this I have met very few people that I have a hard time being around and spending time with.

Second is Sis. Dickman from the Kayscreek ward. I served with her in the Relief Society Presidency also as Secretary. She taught me to rely on the Lord for everything. I was always so impressed with her strong testimony and witnessed many miracles while working under her. She, along with a lot of other women, helped me get through a very difficult pregnancy.

Third is Sis. Whiting from our current ward. She has been a bright star in the middle of a very dark time in my life. She has been incredibly patient and supportive of me these last 6 months.

I have been so blessed to have these women come into my life and I pray that some day I may become wise enough to bless another in the same way. Thank you so much for everything.

I just remembered last night that I have a blog!

2009-09-04T07:40:00.002-07:00

Funny, huh! It's been a long, crazy summer. I had a some things happen that made me lose my memory, not all of it, just wierd parts of it. Some of you know, most of you don't. I might share and I might not. Nothing personal, it's just that sometimes I feel like talking about it and sometimes I'd rather just put the whole thing behind me.

JA went on his trip and had a blast! Thank you to all that donated. One of these days I'm going to get him to put together a presentation on it. Unfortunately he is about to start a class that is going to be very heavy in the work load so I'm not sure when it will happen.

Baby girl turned 1 in July. She is getting so big. She's not walking yet but she says a lot of words. She cracks herself up. She says something and then start laughing at herself. She also loves to copy her siblings and then laughs really hard. JZ is potty training. I can't wait until I only have one in diapers.

If you drive past my house and wonder where I got the really ugly camping trailer, it was given to us. We are hoping to get it all fixed up so we can use it this next summer. Even though it's pretty ugly it has huge potential with some really nice features like heat and air conditioning!

Um, let me see........ oh yeah, I'm going to births again. The midwife that I apprenticed with before and while I was pregnant called me and asked if I was interested in going to births with her because she didn't have an apprentice. I'm very happy about it!

AC had a birthday yesterday and turned 9.

Kids have already started doing their school work at home and the teens will start their classes next week. Oh, yeah, big news! JA tried out for a ballroom dance team and not only made it but is President over all the ballroom dance classes. There are 3. Beginner, Advanced and Formation, which is the dance team JA tried out for. They will be doing performances and competitions this next year. JK said that he regrets not trying out for it.

Thats all I can think of for now. I will try to keep my blog updated so it will be interesting to read again.

Repeat!

2009-04-30T10:18:00.004-07:00

We are doing another Garage Sale this weekend so if you had stuff you meant to bring to me and didn't, here is your chance! Also, if at all possible, please come. We would REALLY appreciate it. Even if all you bought was some soda pop and a donut! Every little bit helps.

Sara, if you still have that stuff I was wondering if you could take it to my brothers house. He lives up near you and I don't think I will have time to get up there before tomorrow.

I NEED YOUR JUNK!!!!!!

2009-04-13T08:42:00.003-07:00

Hopefully that got your attention! JA's garage sale is the end of this week and we need lots of donations so we can sell lots of things and he can, hopefully, earn lots of money for his trip. He still has to earn about half of what he started out needing. It would be a shame to do all this work and then him not be able to go because he is short $1000 or so dollars. We would also love to have some bake sale items to sale so if anyone is up for some baking, that would be great.

Garage sale is on the 18th.

Copied and pasted from my other blog

2009-03-24T06:29:00.002-07:00

Saturday, March 21, 2009

It hasn't been a great couple of days

Thursday I dropped my boys off at their co-op then got gas and was on my way home from there and got in a car accident. I went through an intersection where the lights were not working. I stopped then slowly pulled through to show my intention to go through then I started to speed up. When I was about 3/4 the way through the intersection a car hit me. She was an elderly woman that didn't notice that the lights were not working and didn't stop. She hit me in the right front of my van, thank goodness because I had my four younger kids with me. If she had hit me in the side my 8yo dd or 2yo ds would have been hit. All the kids were fine. I hurt a couple of fingers really bad, although they aren't broken, and the muscles all through my back hurt pretty bad. I'm going to see a chiropractor on Monday and a massage therapist possibly on Tuesday.

Then Friday our dog got out and got bit by some neighbors dog that was out in it's yard. He's got two deep gashes on his back near his neck. We have absolutely no money for a vet so I cleaned them out with essential oils and glued them with super glue. So far it seems to be working. I'm going to rinse them several times today with the essential oils so hopefully it doesn't get infected.

My 6yo dd has an abcess on her gum and my 2yo has a nasty sounding cough. It can only get better from here, right?

Posted this morning- March 24, 2009

Saturday I ended up with a stomach bug. I woke up feeling fine but by 2:00 I was super sick. My kids had it the week before and I thought I had escaped it while I was in Oregon. It had been 7 days since someone had thrown up. You know it's a strong bug when I get it. Usually stomach issues pass right by me, I can count on one hand how many times I've actually thrown up from one. I finally got an appetite back Sunday night.

Sunday my 8mo started a fever that didn't come down until this morning. I've done nothing but hold baby for two days. I have no idea why she got it, my kids rarely get fevers and she had no other symptoms.

Our dogs wounds opened up last night and started bleeding again. I guess I'm going to have to take him to the vet. Hopefully they will let us pay in two days. I desperately need a calm few days.

I went and saw my chiropractor friend yesterday. He sent me for xrays and I have my first adjustment today. He also has a massage therapist on staff so I will also get a gentle massage. I'm really looking forward to that.

I'm really ready for a calm few days.

On a side note, JA is selling Cutler's cookie dough for a fund raiser. It's a tub of dough that makes about 4 dozen cookies. LMK if you are interested in a tub or two (or three, hee-hee). They are $15 a tub. It comes in Milk Chocolate Chip, Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chip, Oatmeal Chocolate Chip, White Chocolate Pecan, Brownie Fudge, Classic Sugar.

{{{Deep Breath}}} It's time.

2009-03-16T14:55:00.002-07:00

I'm ready. I went to the Midwifery Today conference in Eugene Oregon this past week. I learned many new thoughts and ideas but the biggest thing I brought home was more confidence in what I already know. I went to a lot of classes on complications in labor and delivery and the whole time I felt like it was just a reminder of what I already knew. My friend quizzed me several times on my knowledge and while she gave some alternate suggestions I still felt like I could more than adequately deal with the situations presented.

I don't know everything. I will be the first to admit that. I have a long way to go to be considered knowledgeable. I have a really long way to go before I could be considered wise, if ever. What I do know is that I feel competent. I will have a midwife friend check my prenatal records and come to births with me until I become confident enough to do it on my own. It's been suggested that that happens around 100 births so that is my goal.

So what am I saying? I'm in business! I'm hanging my shingle out and looking for clients that are willing to be a bit of guinea pig until I figure out what in the world I'm doing with the business end of things. I can't promise that I will be completely professional but we will have lots of fun. I can promise that my clients health and that of her baby will not be compromised even though I'm admittedly somewhat inexperienced. I bought most the equipment I need and am ready to get started.

I know I don't have a lot of readers and thats ok but I'd like to offer something to you. If you send someone my way that eventually hires me you will get a gift. I haven't decided what it will be yet but it will be worth your time. Also, for the first person that hires me I will take $200 off my fee, which is already lower than any of the other midwives in the area. She will also get a free belly cast and henna art on her belly along with a few other surprises. Sound good? I think most of you have my phone number but if you don't let me know and give me your email address and I will send it to you. I will also have a web site together some time this week and I will post that as soon as I have it ready.

I don't really have anything new to say

2009-02-06T09:01:00.002-07:00

but I'm delaying my cleaning and laundry and wasting time and it's been awhile since I blogged here anyway so......um.....yeah. LOL

KA is now about 6 1/2 mo old. She has her first two teeth (at least two months later than the rest of my kids), is sitting up and has become a mover. She's not actually crawling but she pushes herself with her toes while on her belly. Kind of a little army crawl. This means nothing is safe anymore and I have to start reminding the kids to keep things off the floor. She thinks food is the bestest thing in all the world and loves to drink out of a cup. She has started this funny little scrunchy face grin like she has to show off her new teeth to all the world.

JZ is using the potty again. He's still not really using it when he really needs to but only because it's a fun thing to do so I don't know if we are done with diapers yet but I can always be hopeful. Some days he only has one accident and others he seems to have way more misses than hits, but thats ok.

I'm feeling much, much better. Some of you know that I was dealing with Post Partum Depression. I finally gave in and got meds from the Dr and within a week I was noticing a big difference. I have energy all day again, I'm playing with my kids again and we are routinely doing school again. A few days ago I briefly, for just a few minutes, was feeling old feelings of being overwhelmed with pressures but I was able to quickly get past it. Before the meds that was happening 2-3 times a week and it would last for several days. Do the math and it means I had good upbeat minutes a few times a week. Now I'm just feeling normal.

Girl Scout Cookies!

2009-01-26T12:35:00.002-07:00

MA is a Girl Scout and it's Cookie time! If you are interested in ordering from her let me know.

Also, we've decided we're going to have a fund raising (another!) garage sale to raise money for JA's Ireland trip. I'd like to have it around the end of March when it starts warming a bit. So the big thing we need from all of you is donations. Clean out your storage and closets and donate it to us! We'll take any amount, even little grocery bags. If you have DI stuff bring it our way instead. I'm considering making it a bake sale and craft sale too. I let you know if that is the plan.

I think

2009-01-12T10:35:00.002-07:00

just about everyone in this family is sick! I think MA is the only that isn't. I started taking an herbal medicine on Saturday that a friend recommended to me. I thought it was working because Sunday night I was feeling nearly normal but this morning I woke up feeling terrible again. We ran out of the herbs so I need to get some more asap. I'm trying really hard to not go to the dr but when I know I will be feeling much better in a little more than 24 hours, it's really hard. This time I think I will get a big bottle since I've been giving it to everyone except baby.

Christmas and the end of the year

2009-01-02T10:24:00.002-07:00

Christmas was awesome! Mostly because my sis was visiting from California for nearly a week! Even though they have lived there since my kids were tiny they are still very close to their cousins. It was lots a fun to watch JZ open his presents. He would get overwhelmed everyonce in a while and refuse to open something but would eventually come back to it. His favorite gift? KA's fish bowl that makes lots of noise and has lights! LOL Jk got the guitar he so desperately wanted and MA got lots of things to do her hair with. JA got the money he wanted for his trip but because Santa couldn't bare to see his not opening gifts he got some clothes and Wii games too. SR and MC got moon sand which is now mostly all over my house. Thank goodness it vacuums up easily.

Dh spent way too much money on me. He is so sweet. I've been wanting a nice big jewelry box for many years that I could hang my necklaces up in so they don't get bent and tangled and he bought me one this year. It's beautiful! He also bought me the new kind of thermometer that you just rub across your forehead to put in my midwife kit. He also bought me some new slippers and a bunch of other things. Santa brought me a Wii fit! I love it but it's also kicking my butt! LOL

I've been working hard this week on getting my video/games/gaming cabinet all cleaned out and organized! I took pics but you know how I am with getting them posted so maybe you will see it, maybe you won't. It's going to be soooo nice to have that done. Hopefully the kids can keep it neat for a while. It's one of 5 areas that fell apart when I was pregnant that I'm slowly trying to get to to organize.

New Years is now upon us! I don't like goals. I shy away from them. When I set them it just makes me discouraged, it feels like a heavy weight is over me, reminding me all the time what I should be doing but don't have time for. With that being said I do try to think of how I'd like the new year to be different. I think of how I'd like things to be different plus think of all the things that will change this year. One of the things that should change is that by the end of this year I should be a Midwife. For now, I plan on taking the NARM in August. I'd like to say I will have two clients by the end of this year but we will see how that works out. I have a bil that is willing to help me set up the business end and I plan on doing that in March. Beyond that I make no promises!

One thing that I know I can do because I've done it three or four times in the past is lose weight so that is something I plan on working on. Wii fit is fun and feels more like play so I'm planning on using that quite often. I also got a treadmill from a friend so when everyone else is hogging the Wii I will use it.

Another thing I'd like to get done this year is to paint the house. Probably not the entire thing but I have little projects planned. The lose goal is to get each childs room painted by their birthdays. I'd like to also get curtains on their windows. I also have an area in the kitchen I'd like to paint, maybe that will get done in January. I may also finally get sick of the counter the way it is and take it apart even though it will be several years before we can finish it. I also really need to get a new table this year, one way or another.

It would be nice if Jaxon were out of diapers very soon. He's close but hasn't quite crossed over yet. Some days are really good and he will stay dry all day and others he couldn't be bothered to go potty at all. Kirstin will likely walk this year. Morgan will turn 12 and start Young Women's. Jordan will likely get his license to drive and Josh will get his learners permit. Josh will likely go to Ireland.

I know. It's been awhile

2008-12-09T08:08:00.002-07:00

Mostly because I just didn't feel a need to say anything. I go through periods where either I feel super chatty or just want to hide away and not talk at all. I think I'm back for now but won't promise anything.

The good thing is that I'm getting things done on my list of things to do. It's not written down anywhere, just in my brain but as I get things done I check them off in my brain. Today I need to get my baby's birth certificate taken care of. Yes, she is almost 5 months old and no, I still haven't gotten it yet! LOL I think part of me feels like it will be reliving the old social security fiasco all over again and have not been ready to deal with it. Today I must, if for no other reason than to have a social security number so we can claim her on our taxes.

Thanksgiving was nice. JZ threw up that morning just before we ate breakfast, de ja vu from last year. Then he was happy and ate breakfast and was fine the rest of the day. Either he ate something bad and got it out of his system or he just doesn't like Thanksgiving! :~ We went to Village Inn that morning, then my inlaws for lunch and my parents for dinner.

My arms are now full of babies. Talk more later.

Josh has an announcement to make

2008-11-20T12:02:00.001-07:00

http://pagesinsanity.blogspot.com/

Feel free to browse a bit. He's got some very strong opinions!

Want to know who I think runs this country?

2008-11-09T09:14:00.003-07:00

The media! They are the ones that decide to make a big deal out of something or to hide it and cover it up. If the vast majority of the media and Hollywood are democrats, guess what they are going to do? They are going to hide what they don't want people to know about the Democrats and make it loud and clear what they don't like about Republicans. Below I've copied and pasted a speech that my JA has written, partly about how he feels about Obama being President and partly about the media. For what it's worth, Obama will be President whether I like it or not BUT that doesn't mean I have to stand by and allow him to turn this country into a communist country. Later, after I get permission from someone, I will post a speech on why I believe that Obama may do just that. On the other hand, he will be President and because of this he deserves my respect. I won't be standing out on the street corner when he visits protesting and booing him.

The letter he refers to can be found here- http://www.meridianmagazine.com/ideas/081017light.html

In light of the recent election of President Obama, I decided it was time to get off my butt and do some research on the guy. Aside from what I had read on Yahoo.com, I didn’t know a thing. I consequently came across a letter from Orson Scott Card, the author of the Ender’s Series, addressed to any and all local newspapers in the United States. In this letter, he accuses the press of hiding the faults of the Democratic Party while magnifying the faults of the Republicans. He accuses them of wrongly blaming President Bush for our nation’s financial crisis. This led me to a endlessly tiring question: Are the American people so addicted to having everything handed them on a silver platter that they will agree with every opinion that the press states? I have continually tried to defend President Bush’s position while debating with my friends. It is downright impossible! They are so prejudiced against any sentence with the words “President Bush” in it that they refuse to listen to me at all. Why is this? Mirabeau stated in one of his speeches “For when the whole world is wrong, the whole world makes wrong right."

Patrick Henry suggested while trying to convince his people to rebel against their king that maybe his fellow politicians were refusing to see what was plainly in front of their eyes, Or, quoting him directly, “Having eyes, see not, and having ears, hear not.” Do we emulate this situation today? Do the American people refuse to see and hear what is plainly set before them? Or, could it be that they are unable to see?

Bugs Bunny is a long beloved cartoon character. In one of his cartoons he was traveling by donkey. He lounged on the donkeys back while holding a fishing pole. Curiously enough, attached to the hook was a carrot. The donkey, being famished, or wanting to indulge itself, followed the carrot in a vain attempt to grab it. But no matter how much he walked, the carrot was still several inches away from his mouth. Could we be in the same situation? Are our elected leaders leading us along the path to destruction with a beautiful picture of luxurious excess on the end of their fishing poles? My answer: YES!

So how did we get in this situation? How do we get out? Do we want to get out? Who is the person on our backs? I ask: How do I answer these questions without offending people? I answer: Wake up and smell the roses, Joshua! We will not, and probably cannot, get out of a situation this deep without offending half the world. So, excuse me for delivering a blunt statement: The American people are stupid. Yes, I just said that. The American people are stupid. We have become so deluded with the idea of luxurious excess that we do not stop to consider the sacrifice of freedom that we must make to have it. When I state that somebody is stupid, they reply “I know what two plus two is.” So what!? If you cannot look around what the newspaper is saying, if you are so ignorant to believe every negative comment, you are not truly free. In one of Plato’s books, Titled “The Republic”, Book seven has an interesting allegory. Socrates is speaking with Glaucon about some prisoners in a cave. Each prisoner is bound by chains, and cannot turn his head around to see what is behind him. His vision is limited to the fire that has been lit for his convenience. Meanwhile, the world parades past in the background, oblivious to the prisoner’s sad state. Socrates then rhetorically asks Glaucon what would happen if these prisoners got free. He answers his own question by saying that the prisoners would feel pain upon leaving the cave, as he would not be accustomed to the sunlight. The prisoner would run back, and might not ever return. But if he did so, and became used to the light, he would be so much happier. Socrates then asks the thought provoking question: Do you think that the prisoner would ever freely choose to return to the cave? Socrates compares this to the ancient concept of an education. Nobody who has learned in the right way would ever go back. I have never met any adult who regretted getting an education. I have met many who bitterly regret the choice of dropping out of school.

While playing a video game the other day, I surprisingly came across a really good quote. It reads: “Remember, you are the only one who can open the door to your heart. But will you open it? Open it and your sleep ends. Open it, and take the first step toward the truth. But know this: The truth will bring you pain. Will you still go? There can be no returning to the sweet security of sleep.” A bit cheesy, but it still gets my point across. Reiterating a statement: Remember, you are the only one who can open the door to your heart. This essentially means that the only person who can give you an education is you. Don’t get all offended. Is it my fault that people are stupid? No! They must open the door to truth. I cannot, your mother cannot, and the politicians and newspapers cannot, unless you are willing to absorb and pursue the knowledge presented. Not only must you be willing, but you must pursue it! Why does the donkey continue to follow the carrot he sees mile after mile? Because he is too ignorant to see any other choice. Thus: How did we come to let someone drape a blindfold over our eyes? I will answer: We either cannot, or will not see the blindfold over our eyes. We cannot, or will not bring ourselves to face the pain and effort it will take to dodge around the traps ahead of us. Why? Because we don’t know how, or are not willing to act! How do we find out? Pursue the truth as it is, and not how it is given to us!

“How do we get out?” you might ask. I ask: How do we get out of anything? I was watching the Fox and the Hound the other day, and one part stuck out to me. The hunter, while trying to shoot a bear, gets stuck in a foothold trap that he himself he set. Footholds are similar to a mousetrap, where it is triggered by an animal stepping on a lever or switch, which releases some spring loaded jaws, trapping the animal’s leg while the hunter approaches. To set the trap, the hunter simply forces the jaws back into position. He observes which way he must put pressure on the jaws, and then acts on his observation. We can get out of this trap, or avoid it altogether, by observing how the trap is sprung, and either avoiding it or reversing it. Therefore, the first thing we must do is identify the trap.

As this essay is full of questions, I don’t see that one more will harm it. How do we identify the trap? While I was taking the course for the First Aid Scouting merit badge, the section on poison councils you to capture or at least identify the animal or plant that did the poisoning. They then compare the situation to past experience, and give the victim an antidote that best worked in previous cases dealing with the same type of poison. Thus: To identify the trap, we must study previous traps that have been set. Every governmental body in the past probably had a ruler. Rulers can conceivably lead to politics, Politics mean corruption, and corruption leads to traps. Therefore, conceivably every government in the history of men had somebody trying to set traps for the people. The Pharisees in the Bible were constantly trying to outwit Jesus and catch him in ignorance. What did Jesus do in return? He nearly always answered with some parable or scripture. How did Jesus know how to create parables and quote scriptures right off the tip of his tongue? He was educated. Rome had Brutus and Caesar. Why did Caesar die? Because he didn’t know that so much power would create enemies. He was not educated. I hope you are starting to see a pattern.

My point is that it’s not that hard to find traps set in the past. But, in order to find those, we must study. Studying will bring pain and frustration, but tell me: Hours of sitting in front of a desk, studying and taking notes, or years and lives taken in the war that it would take to reverse a corrupt politician’s past actions. Which would you choose? It’s pretty easy for me. Once again I quote Mirabeau, who said while trying to convince his fellow legislators to pass a bill during a dire situation, stated: “Without the assent of public opinion the greatest minds could not triumph over such circumstances.” Guess what? The press knows this. Nobody can triumph without the assent of public opinion. So how do they gain public opinion? They inflate the faults of the good, and minimize the faults of the bad. They know that if they can catch the majority in ignorance, they can easily sway their opinion, and gain prophet from it. How do we avoid this trap? By gaining an education, gosh dang it! There are no excuses. People have provided many resources for their own and your convenience. The internet, the library, and our eyes are among them. Patrick Henry didn’t have the internet; He didn’t have a public Library to check books out of! And he still managed to escape the chains of slavery that were being forged around him and his country.

I challenge you to no longer be caught in ignorance! Many have said “Ignorance is Bliss.” Many others have stated “Knowledge is power.” Do you choose Power over your situation, or do you choose bliss until the knowledgeable people lead you off a cliff? I quote Mirabeau once again: “In refusing to pay, do you think you will cease to owe?” The price is the pain of learning. You will learn, in this life or the next. So, my final question is: Willingly now, or grudgingly later?

Party party party!

2008-11-04T09:36:00.003-07:00

If you read this blog and you live close by, you are invited!

I do these parties for two main reasons. 1) To have a really great reason to get my house completely clean. 2) To have a really great excuse to visit with friends that I haven't seen in a long time. I don't care if nobody orders, just come!

PS-Thanks to those that came! We had a blast!

JA wants to go to Ireland

2008-11-02T14:25:00.002-07:00

Want to help him go? He has been nominated to join http://www.studentambassadors.org/ on their trip to Ireland, England and Wales. He has to raise $7500 by next summer to be able to go. This program was started by Dwight Eisenhower as a way to mend the bridges that were broken during WWII. The students travel to the country's to get to know the customs and the people as well as doing service projects while they are there. As you probably know this is a tremendous opportunity for him and will make him grow in ways we cannot imagine.

If you are interested in helping him achieve this dream, keep checking in because at various times we will have things for sale, an easy way to donate and possibly another fundraiser garage sale like we did for his pump. He is also planning on doing a surprise with flamingoes so.....watch your front lawn! Hee-hee!

Update on me

2008-10-29T07:55:00.002-07:00

Today marks the three month anniversary of my pulmonary embolism. I woke up thinking about it this morning. I still get panicked when I dwell on it for very long. I think that I could have died. I think about my children being raised by someone else. I think about my husband having to take care of a 10 day old baby by himself. I think about the pain I experienced, worse than any pain I have ever experienced before. Many times while it was happening I wished that I could just stop breathing because then it wouldn't hurt so much. There were even many times in the 2 weeks after it happened that I wished the Lord would have just let me die because the recovery was so difficult.

I still have to take narcotics about once a week for pain relief. Thats much better than it used to be. At two weeks past I was taking them round the clock. At one month after I had cut back to 3 a day. At two months I was taking them about 3-4 times a week. I think I still tire easier than I normally would have at this point postpartum but it is improving quickly. I find myself having to catch my breathe at wierd times like when I'm just sitting doing paper work but I hear that isn't unusual.

There are so many things it will affect long term. At three months old, my baby is just now getting 100% breastmilk. Until now, even though I knew I had plenty of milk, I still needed the rest that letting dh give her a bottle gave me. I don't like the fact that she had to be on formula for the first three months of her life. What repercussions will that bring later on for her? Who knows, maybe nothing. Many people these days have done just fine on only formula. I just never imagined that I would ever have to use it. She sleeps in a crib. My babies usually sleep with me. I started out that way with her but because of the narcotics I started putting her in a crib next to me. After I was able to cut back on the narcotics she would sleep all night whether I slept with her or not but I can't anymore. If I want her to sleep all night it has to be in her crib. If she sleeps with me she wakes up 3 or 4 times to eat.

She is such a sweet baby! So happy and easy to care for. Granted she likes to nurse about every half hour and gets gas tummy aches when I eat something that doesn't agree with us but she is not a colicky baby by any means. She really likes her fists these days and has teeth coming in the very near future. Several people think I should put her on cereal so that she doesn't eat so often but with our family's sensitivies towards rice and oatmeal I think I will wait until she is a bit older and just deal with the frequent eating for now.

As to my last post about Zunedownloads, after sending a threatening email to three different people I finally got a refund. I would have preferred the download and would still like to join but I don't trust that it won't happen again.

URGH!

2008-10-22T07:14:00.001-07:00

Unlimited Zune Downloads! Paid for it, didn't get the download, can't get any customer service to help me. Stay away from them.

MC's Baptism

2008-10-07T08:09:00.001-07:00

The whole family. In a circle starting from the left: JA-14, DH, KA-2mo, Me, JK-16, MA-11, MC-8, JK-2, SR-6

Isn't she beautiful! My little princess is growing up!

Can you believe

2008-10-07T07:46:00.004-07:00

Pictures!!!!

JZ holding KA. This is his smile! LOL She's about 2 1/2 mo here.

Her new pretty. She is about 7 weeks old here

She is two days old here.

Sorry about the wierd format. I don't have a clue what I'm doing but at least they are up!

Huh, it's been a while. Amazing how fast time goes

2008-09-27T01:46:00.002-07:00

Even though day by day time seems to drag on. I really, really need to get some pics on here. My sweet AC was baptized on the 6th of September! She was glowing all weekend and looked beautiful in her white dress. I will, for sure I promise, get a pic up of her on her baptism day. I also need to get some pics up of my sweet baby, who is now two months old! She is smiling and cooing now! I just love that little person! Then it was my cute SR's birthday. I have to admit I was all birthday partied out by the time I got to hers so we just met some friends at McDonalds for lunch. McDonalds is really icky, imho, but they are doing Wizard of Oz in their kids meals right now and have I mentioned how much I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Wizard of Oz? I have several dolls from last time but never did get a Wendy doll so I'm crossing my fingers this time.

My house is a wreck as usual. I'm getting sooo frustrated about it. I need life to slow down, a baby that doesn't feel like she needs to nurse every half hour, a dh that isn't doing so much over time and children that care more. Oh yeah, and my 35 million so I can have a maid! LOL Dh was awesome last night, though. I was exhausted and my back was killing me and baby just did not want to sleep. She nursed for forever but was just looking around at all the interesting things and was wide awake! Every time I tried to take her off she would have a fit. It used to be that I could fall asleep with a nursing baby but I can't anymore plus when I take meds I don't like sleeping with her so I wanted to move her to her bed next to me before I fell asleep. Anyway dh took her and fed her a bottle and stayed up with her until she finally fell asleep. I've been trying really hard to get her off that last bottle but occasionally it really is nice that she will take one!

I'm working on losing weight again. Post baby weight is lovely, isn't it? Got the eating down, mostly, had to give in on those chocolate dipped strawberries yesterday, now I just need to be able to get up early enough to get some walking in. I like walking best but maybe until it's easier to leave the house I ought to switch to aerobics. I could also try fitting it in in the afternoon since it is getting cooler now.

Sleepy baby!

2008-09-09T18:26:00.003-07:00

Yep, you can be jealous of me! My baby sleeps between 8-10 hours a night! Sweet, huh! What do I do? Nothing. She just sleeps well at night. Sometimes she sleeps with me if I fall asleep nursing her and sometimes I move her to her bed next to me. Either way she still sleeps all night. Unfortunately, it's a trade off. She rarely sleeps more that 15-20 min during the day. Sometimes all of the stars are lined up just right and she will sleep an hour. Otherwise she is awake. Can't decide which is better. Sleep all night so I can get some good rest or sleep good during the day so I can get something done. Hum!

School starting and weight

2008-09-02T09:16:00.002-07:00

School starts on Thursday. Actually, co-ops start Thursday. We aren't starting our school at home until Monday. We are sloooowly pulling our house back together after our adventurous summer. If things work out well we should have it all clean by Saturday and Monday we can begin our winter school schedule.

The boys are sooo excited to start school on Thursday. They are taking ballroom dance, Thomas Jefferson Youth Certification and Parliamentary Procedure. They both really wish they can take Shakespeare again but they are only allowed to take it two years and last year was their second year. I'm not sure they would have time for it anyway. The TJYC class is really going to kick their butts! In ballroom dance they will be learning how to do lifts with the girls. That should be fun! They have to start doing some arm exercise to build up their arms so they CAN lift the girls.

As for my girls, the oldest two will be taking a literature class, then the oldest will be taking a history class and two science classes. She will also start Girl scouts. The oldest two will also have Achievement Days for our church. MA will be very busy this year! Makes me wonder if I should be doing more for my SR. She isn't involved with anything. Maybe I can form a reading class or something for kids her age.

So, I know I'm only 6 weeks postpartum, but the weight is depressing me. I have never weighed as much postpartum as I do now. In fact the only time I've ever weighed as much as I do right now is while I've been pregnant. Someone mentioned that a relative gained a bunch of weight after they were put on blood thinners so I suspect that is why but it's still frustrating. I have got to do something about if for no other reason so that I can have some clothes to wear. I can't start a full exercise program yet but I think I'm going to start walking around the block. Then I'm going to add some more fruit, vegies and whole grains and try to eat only lean meat. Hopefully that will be a good start.

Tomorrow is AC's 8th birthday. She has been looking forward to this for a long time because it means she gets to be baptized into our church. We have a birthday party planned for her tomorrow and then she gets baptized on Saturday. Yay for her!

Birth story, part 2, very long

2008-08-30T01:38:00.006-07:00

Hum, let me see how much of that first week I can remember. If you really want to read my story, put up your feet and grab a nice cuppa.....something! LOL

After the birth and after dh, my friend and my Mom got things cleaned up, my friend brought me a yummy turkey sandwich. There is nothing better than the meal right after you've had a baby! My big kids finally had a chance to hold her and get to know her then my Mom took all the younger ones to her house and dh and I took a long, much needed nap. That first night went pretty well, she woke a few times to nurse but fell asleep again before I was able to get her latched on. My 16yo son went to a party the second night and broke his shoulder. The next few days were more of the same, lots of sleeping, getting to know each other and learning to nurse. On Wednesday, when she was 5 days old, I made a dr's appt for her. The nurse explained that they don't normally see them until they are 2 weeks old but then I told her the birth story and she was completely surprised and understood! I don't think I would have even bothered but I really wanted a better weight on her and I was worried that the nursing wasn't going well. Everyone thought I was quite the woman for delivering by myself in the car! They checked her weight (6lbs 7oz) checked her height (18 1/2 in, what I had figured) and head (13 in, also about what I got). Everything else checked out fine, the dr clipped her frenulum and gave me some ideas on how to increase my milk supply. That night was the first night the nursing problems really showed up. I think before then she was still a sleepy newborn and was satisfied with just drinking what she got from the let down but not drawing in any more.

The next day was a holiday in our state, the 24th of July. She saw her first parade and fireworks show at my Moms house. Of course she stayed inside and took a nap with her Aunt, but still.... LOL That night was even worse than the night before. I worked with her for an hour to get latched on and was never able to do it. I finally concluded that we were both too frustrated to continue trying. I gave her to my husband, handed him a binkie to see if he could calm her and pumped. I got out an ounce and a half. (This next part is copied from an earlier blog post) She drank it after a bit of convincing her that could get yummy stuff out of this wierd tasting plastic thing and for the first time in a week was actually content and happy when she finished. I have to admit that it was so nice to have her full and it was relatively easy and pain free (physically speaking of course, I bawled the entire time I pumped!) She woke up about 2 hours later, I went out to the couch so dh could sleep (he had to return to work today after taking the week off) and she latched on after just a few minutes. She nursed well and slept another 2 hours. Got up and tried to nurse her and once again, never could get her latched on. I finally gave her to 14yo ds so I could pump.

I was getting a little worried about dehydration so I spent that day and the weekend in bed with her to see if I could increase my supply. I would nurse her for 2o min each side, then feed her what I had pumped previously then would pump for an additional 20 min each side for the next feeding. Sunday morning I woke up and found I had leaked everywhere and felt very full (I think she had slept 7 hours) so I was thrilled to think that maybe we had made it. I decided to see how she would do just on her own and didn't pump at all that day. I watched her diapers very closely. She woke up very wet and had another wet diaper later that morning but by the evening I could tell she was getting dehydrated again. I couldn't understand why she couldn't maintain my supply by herself so I started getting pretty worried. Looking back I think my body may have started shutting down that day.

Monday woke up with some pain in my right kidney area. I figured it was from sitting in wierd positions to get her latched on and to pump. It was bad enough that I couldn't stay in bed and had to get up but once I was up the pain was barely noticeable so I ignored it. I was too worried about her to give it much thought. Now that I know, I can't believe I waited as long as I did to get it checked. About 9:00 I called my LC friend to get some ideas from her on what could be wrong with my baby and what to do about it. I called WIC to see if I could borrow a pump from them because I had heard that was a possibility. They set up an appt for about 1:00 and I spent the rest of the morning on the internet trying to get some more ideas. The pain was increasing so I took some ibuprofen and that helped so I ignored it some more.

I went to the WIC appt and, according to their scale, she had lost 2 lbs in 5 days. At first they were reluctant to give me the pump because they said they only give them to Moms of preemies in the hospital and to the others they give manual pumps. I think when they realized that I'm an experienced Mom who knows what she is talking about and because I'd already tried using my regular pumps and needed more help and also because she had lost so much weight, they were willing to let me borrow one. Very, very grateful for that! After I left their office I took her to the Dr to check her weight on their scale and found that she had actually lost 3 1/2 lbs. Dr was very worried. I'm surprised he didn't tell me to start her on formula. We just talked about pumping etc. and talked about getting her weighed again on Thursday. I considered mentioning the pain in my kidney but didn't want to make a big deal about something that was probably just a muscle spasm. That evening the pain had gotten bad enough that the ibuprofen wasn't helping much anymore so I took some percocet and set up my Moses basket because I didn't want to sleep with her while on something so strong. I found when I went to bed that I still could not lay back without extreme pain and I couldn't breathe. I know it sounds wierd but I still wasn't that worried about it. I think I was still too caught up in worry about baby and couldn't deal with anything else. So I piled up the pillows behind me and tried to get comfortable enough to sleep. I decided that night that I would put a limit on how long I would try to get her to latch onto keep both of us from getting too frustrated so I tried for 20 min on each side, then gave her to dh so he could give her a bottle of formula while I pumped for 1/2 hour. That entire night I was only able to get a few drops out of each side. I chalked it up to her going too long without nursing well. Now I really know it was because my body was definitely shutting down.

The next morning, Tuesday, I finally decided that I needed a dr. (I know, took me long enough) I called and got an appt for 2:00, later they called and changed it to 3:00 because he was running behind. I tried to get in touch with a friend to take me to the dr because I had taken more percocet and was worried about driving but couldn't get in touch with her, my dh couldn't get home in time and my Mom and Mil were both out of town so I got my dd to ride with me to the dr to keep me talking while I drove and to hold baby while the dr looked at me. The nurse was a bit worried about me and asked me while I was in the waiting room if I wanted to lay down. I told her no I couldn't lay down anyway. I got called back after a little while and they did my vitals, which were fine, and I gave a urine sample. I told the dr what was going on and he got me up on the examining table. He told me later that he kept praying the whole time that it was kidney but was really worried it was a blood clot. I laid down so he could palpate my tummy and I couldn't breathe and told him that. He said "uh-oh, thats not good, not good at all". He sat me up, asked me a few more questions and said "This is not kidney pain. I suspect it's a amniotic embolism or a blood clot. You have to go straight to the hospital". I was really upset. I was soo frustrated with everything. I mean I had been through so much already, I just could not deal with the knowledge that I had to go through more crap. I broke down and cried except it hurt so bad to take a deep breathe that I quickly had to calm down or I was going to pass out. The dr called the hospital and told them I was coming and warned me again that I should not go home, I needed to go straight out. There was no way I could drive on the freeway with the pain I was in and the percocet in me so I tried calling my friend again and still couldn't get in touch with her. I found out later she had given her cell phone to her son. I left a message with her daughter to tell her Mom it was very important she call me ASAP. She called me about 5 min later, just before I was about to get on the freeway, and said she could take me. I drove to her house and then we stopped and dropped off my daughter and got the can of formula for baby.

On the way out we realized that there was a huge accident on the opposite side of the freeway. Dh had considered getting on the bus and coming home so he could take me so I'm really glad we didn't go that route or he would have been stuck for hours. I was really surprised when I got to the hospital that they didn't get me into a room faster since my dr had called ahead. I don't remember a whole lot about exact times but I remember they did an EKG, which was fine. I also know that after I had been there about an hour I could tell the percocet had warn off and I was in an incredible amount of pain. They started an IV and gave me dilaudid and that helped enough that as long as I sat up I wasn't in a lot of pain. Awhile later they came and got me to do a CT scan. When I laid down to do it, though, I couldn't breathe and sat right back up. They put me on oxygen and gave me an extra pillow and as long as I took super shallow, short breaths I could lay down for them to do the scan. I returned to my room but I think laying down made the clot shift just enough that I could no longer breathe even sitting up. We told the nurse but she came back and said I'd had all the narcotics I could have. That was the hardest part of the whole thing. The dr came in and told me I would have to stay at least that night, that I had a blood clot in my lung and that maybe there was something more that would make me need emergency surgery and heavy antibiotics and that I needed another CT scan to check it. It was a bit much for me to deal with right then. I didn't want to be seperated from my 10 day old baby and I didn't like the thought of laying down for another CT scan and I was scared too because I know that blood clots can mean immediate and sudden death plus the emergency surgery part wasn't sounding too lovely either. I started crying and then I could barely breathe again. My friend was still there helping with the baby plus my brother stopped by on his way home from work. They tried to get my mind off of things by telling jokes and getting me calmed down. It was awful to laugh but it really helped too. The dr eventually decided to try IV ibuprofen and that's what finally made the difference. When they came to get me for the second scan it had been long enough that I was able to have more pain meds and the second scan was much easier. When those results came back they were able to determine that I did not need emergency surgery and they could start me on blood thinners.

I was finally taken up to a room about 9:00. We also got permission to keep baby with me and the nurses were awesome about it. They got a bassinet from the nursery, brought me some extra blankets, diapers and a pump. They also put a sign on my door warning that there was a newborn in the room and to take extra precautions. Dh stayed with me to help me with her. This is when I first learned that most blood clot patients are there 3-5 days so I settled in knowing that I would be there for awhile and was fully prepared for that. Wednesday went well with me pumping several times just to keep what little I had going, although I had to dump it due to the contrast from the CT scan. I was a little worried that when I started nursing her again Wednesday evening that she wouldn't latch on but she did fine. I didn't have much milk but I didn't care.

I was orginally told Tuesday night that they would do a Ultra sound the next day to find out where the clot came from but the the Dr I had on Wednesday said we didn't really need to do it since we are already taking care of the problem and don't need to know if I have more. Thursday the Dr came in and said I could be released because he felt like I could handle doing the shots myself. I was a little concerned about being released because early that morning when the dilaudid had warn off I couldn't move since I had layed back a little bit when the meds were working. I wondered how I could handle the pain on my own but trusted the dr and thought surely by that night the pain would be much better.

After I returned home my friend called to see what she could do to help and I told her I would need to have someone with me the next day since dh really needed to work. I knew I would need pain meds and couldn't take care of baby by myself so she offered to come spend the day with me. I had to sleep sitting up again that night, even with the percocet and ibuprofen, plus I was still trying to pump and feed baby a bottle so I only got about 2 hours of sleep. On Friday I finally was able to sleep a bit more if I turned to the side so I could lay my head on a pillow on my shoulder. The Dr called to check on me and I told him about the pain. He said if it continued I should go back to the hospital. Same thing happened Friday night so I only got about 2 hours of sleep. Saturday morning I realized I'd only had about 6 hours of sleep in 48 hours and I wondered how I could ever recover with so little sleep so dh and I decided I better go back to the hospital. I got my Sil to come get baby and we headed to the ER. Stupid Dr was convinced that I had a kidney infection on top of the lung pain so he cathed me to get a urine sample. They also wondered if I had developed pneumonia since that is a possible side effect of a blood clot so they did an xray of my lungs. No pneumonia but some blood in the urine so dr was convinced I had an infection and started me on an antibiotic. I kept asking for more pain relief and told him we found when I was in the hospital before that I needed both narcotics and ibuprofen but he wasn't about to listen to me and that I couldn't have anymore narcotics unless I was admitted. He consulted with a pulmonologist (I think that was what he was called) who came and checked me and determined the first dr was an idiot (no, he didn't say that but alluded to it! LOL) and I do not have an infection and it was all due to the blood clot. He said I shouldn't have ever been discharged when I was and said something about me pushing to be discharged. I told him it wasn't me pushing for it but the other dr. He said he wanted me comfortable so to let him know if I needed more pain relief and switched me to morphine and gave me ibuprofen. That was the first night I was finally able to lay back to sleep. I wanted to cry, until then I never realized how much a blessing it was to be able to lay down to sleep.

I could have morphine every 3 hours so the nurse was really great about checking on me to see if I needed more. At 3 in the morning I was due to have another dose but I was sound asleep so he didn't want to disturb me. At 4 I woke up suddenly and realized I couldn't move and could barely breathe. Every time I tried to move I got a horrible stabbing pain in my side so I couldn't push the call button. I started to panic a bit wondering how I was going to get help when in walked my angel CNA! I was never so happy to see someone! I told her I couldn't move and she went and found my nurse who gave me morphine and then helped me sit up so I could breathe. That was the last time I needed morphine. The rest of that day and the next I was able to take percocet to take care of any pain I was having. I thought that since I could lay down with the percocet and get some sleep that I would be able to go home on Monday but the new Dr I got said he wanted to keep me until my blood thinner levels were at the level they needed to be. For some reason it was going up really slowly, later I found out it was because the blood clot was fairly large. He also didn't feel comfortable with the type of blood thinner I was on because of the breastfeeding so he switched me to a different one which meant I had to be tethered to an IV pump all the time. I hated that! I haven't even mentioned how often I got poked and how many bruises I had on my arms when I came home! I also haven't talked much about my kids. My sil brought my baby to me on Sunday night and dh took her home with him and they both spent the day with me on Monday. The other kids spent the weekend with one Grandma and came home Sunday night so dh had all the kids with him Sunday night. Between taking care of 2yo and baby he didn't get much sleep! The other Grandma came home from her trip Monday morning and took them all for the rest of the week.

On Wednesday, after spending 8 days in the hospital, my levels were finally what they needed to be so I was finally able to go home. I had to get my levels checked on Saturday so I had to return to the hospital lab then the next Wednesday I had an appt with my dr to get them checked again. My dr is the one that told me it was a pretty large clot. He said when I kneeled down to pray that night that I needed to thank the Lord that I was still alive (I'd already done that several times!). He also said he will never understand why blood clots will kill one person and the next will survive and said it's all up to the Lord, there are no other determining factors. He was really great because he allowed me to really go through the whole experience and talk about it. I really appreciated that. I also told him my concern that I could become addicted to Percocet. He gave me a prescription for Lortab and told me to alternate them every other week and then I wouldn't get addicted to them. He said he wished they had done the ultrasound because then we could go back and check in 3 months to make sure they are all dissolved. The only one we have to go by is the one in my lung. It would have been nice to know that they are all gone and not just the one in my lung. In case you were wondering, the clot had to have come from somewhere. The ultra sound was to find out where it came from and if there were more.

It's taken me a very long time to recover. I still can't really say I have recovered. It was several weeks before I felt able to do any house work but the energy is slowly coming back. Last Friday, nearly 4 weeks after it happened, I finally started feeling like I couldn't stand my house one more minute and started figuring out how I could pull it back together. That is the sign I look for that tells me I'm feeling more like my normal self. I still can't do a lot and still need 12-13 hours of sleep plus I still take percocet or Lortab daily but there are definite signs of improvement.

I still worry a lot about the nursing. The latch has definitely improved and I know I have plenty of milk but she still doesn't have the nice yellow breastfed baby's stool that she should have, they are usually very green but she is definitely not dehydrated, I watch that very closely so I'm not hugely concerned. I just know she probably isn't getting enough hindmilk but I'm not quite sure how to fix it because I'm already following all the suggestions for improving it. I need to get her weighed but keep putting it off. I would like to say she is looking chunkier but overall I think she still looks pretty tiny. She is due for a 2 mo checkup plus we have another appt with WIC this next week so eventually she will get weighed.

I apologize that this ended up so long. It's ok if you didn't make it through the whole thing. I wrote it for me. I think I needed to finally get it all out on "paper". I've wondered a bunch of times if I need to see a counselor to help me work out a lot of the emotions from the past year but I'm hoping that if I keep talking about it that eventually I will be ok. I know that I'm definitely different than I was even 6 months ago. I feel like a lot of the joy is gone from my life and every day is just another day to endure, waiting for the next bomb to drop.

Long awaited birth story!

2008-08-30T00:21:00.002-07:00

Yeah, just like I told you, we got the internet back this week. I couldn't sleep and got to thinking about my birth. It has been exactly 6 weeks so I decided it was time to share what happened.

I can't really say when labor started. Around 8:30 p.m. on the night of the 16th I started having contractions that weren't any different than any others I'd had the entire pregnancy. They were 5-7 min apart and about 50 seconds to a minute long and didn't hurt hardly at all. I timed them until midnight then gave up and tried to sleep. That lasted an hour and then I was awake. At that point they were more annoying than anything. Still didn't really hurt but were about 2-3 min apart, still lasting less than a minute. I decided to get in the tub to see if that would make them go away so I could finally get some good rest. Dh came and checked on me off and on but nothing ever really changed so I kept sending him back to bed. I think about 4:00 he finally gave up on sleep and just stayed with me. I got him to get my labor music out for me to listen to just because I was getting pretty bored resting in the tub and timing contractions. I guess I could have gotten out of the tub to get some more sleep but I was comfy right where I was so I just stayed. Maybe if I'd gotten out of the tub they might have hurt more and maybe I would have realized a bit earlier I was in labor? Lots of maybe's! Our talking woke up two of the kids about 4:30 so they chatted with us for awhile. I told them I might be in labor but I wasn't really convinced so eventually they went back to sleep. I kept just wishing the contractions would either stop or turn into full blown labor. Even at this point they were the same, 2-3 min apart and 50-60 seconds long and not really hurting. I could have easily talked and walked through them.

About 5:00 they started getting a bit more intense but I still wasn't very convinced I was in labor. I suppose, looking back, I could say that was when labor started. I know that about 5:30 I finally admitted to dh that I was in hard labor. We started discussing what our options were since we hadn't really hired a midwife yet. We had planned on going to the hospital before 36 weeks and having a midwife at 37 weeks because state law prevented my midwife from attending me before that point. For that one week I hadn't really decided what I was going to do since I had several options that I could have chosen but none of them felt quite right so I avoided making any decision. I just prayed all along that she would come before 36 weeks or after 36 weeks (obviously I didn't really want a before 36 weeks preemie but those were my options). I wasn't really thrilled about delivering in the hospital but I birth quickly and I was worried about delivering in the car. Looking back I realize now that I was in transition and should have just stayed home but at the time I just felt panicked and confused (obvious transition signs!). At 6:00 I finally decided I needed to just go to the hospital. We called the hospital that I had previously chosen due to their newborn/birth policies and told them we were on our way. I won't say if it was to our advantage but also looking back if we had chosen the hospital that was a bit closer we would have had a different outcome.

It took us 1/2 hour to get me and dh dressed and into the car so we left at 6:30 in the morning, rush hour! The whole way driving there I was having very, very hard contractions. I think about 15 min into the drive I realized we had made a mistake but was too far out of it to realize we should just turn around. For those that know the area we were going to the U of U hospital and in the area of the stadium I realized that I would feel much better if I pushed. I told dh and he asked if he should pull over. I told him yes and moved to the back seat. It took me a minute to figure out how best to do it and how best to arrange the two towels that we brought just in case my water broke. I tried to move a seat out of the way but that didn't give me enough room so I finally decided it would have to be the seat although I knew that would be quite the mess to clean up. I took off my pants and had one knee on the bench and the other leg on the floor. I pushed, my water broke and in the next breath, baby came out. Dh finally was able to pull over at some point and he came to help me. When he realized baby was already out he got back in the car. LOL I often wonder if anyone saw anything while they were cruising by and the door was open! LOL

Dh took a video of it at this point. I will see if I can figure out how to get it on here for the adventurous. I know that I was a bit confused, trying to figure out what to do next. I knew that baby needed to be kept warm but the towels were soaked. I finally tucked her under my shirt then later, on the way home, I remembered that I had a blanket for her in the bag I had packed several months ago. I was also trying to make sure she was ok and that I was ok. I kept trying to figure out if I was bleeding too much (midwife in me) and if the placenta was ready to come out. I eventually looked at the clock and realized we should figure out the time of birth. It said 7:02 so we think it was pretty close to 7:00 when she was born. I then got dh to show me my labor timer so I could have a second hand to figure out her heartrate. I later gave her an apgar score of 7 and 9 (also the midwife in me!). Then I started trying to decide what to do next. I wasn't thrilled about showing up to the hospital in the state I was in. I was trying to imagine showing up at the ER doors or front doors with a newly born baby in my arms and a placenta still inside me, half naked with blood everywhere. Not a pleasant thought for me. I also know that if baby is born outside of hospital they tend to treat it like it's contaminated and check for all kinds of infections and other problems that "might" arise from such a "traumatic" birth. I really didn't know if this hospital would be like that but I decided I didn't want to find out so I made the decision to go back home. I knew I had all the equipment I needed to take care of the cord and whatever else we needed although I was a little nervous to drive on the freeway with her just in my arms and no car seat but I decided to trust the Lord that He would watch over this baby and get us safely home. I did have a thought on the way out that I should grab the carseat but dh said he could bring it later although I don't know how that would have worked anyway. Cord was still attached to the placenta which was still inside me and she was warmer next to me anyway.

I called my son on the way home, told him what happened and asked him to clear out one side of the garage so we could pull all the way in (thank goodness there was only a couple of things to pick up, I hadn't parked there for a while and didn't know what to expect) and asked him to bring a large bowl, some towels and my robe out when he saw us coming. We drove into the garage, closed the door, I got out and squatted over the bowl and pushed the placenta out. (Yeah my son was a bit grossed out! LOL) We went inside and I got my girls to bring me my midwife kit. I cut her cord and since we were both completely covered in blood, I got in the tub with her. I had called my Mom on our way home and she met us at the house and started the clean up. I also called my friend and told her what happened since we were planning on her being sort of a doula and helping with cleanup afterwards. She and dh worked on the car for about 4 hours but were finally able to get it all cleaned up.

I think I did hemorrhage a bit, maybe 500-600 cc's, but it was really hard to estimate it because it was, well, everywhere! The seat of the car, the garage floor and in the bathroom. Several of my friends kept mentioning later on that I was pretty pale, so that also makes me think I hemorrhaged a bit, although I never felt dizzy or light headed so I don't think there was ever any reason to worry about it. After I got out of the tub we both got some pj's on and we curled up in my bed together, finally able to rest and get to know each other! I slowly did a newborn exam on her over the next few hours. We had a funny time trying to figure out how much she weighed. I sent dh to the sports store as soon as it opened to get a fish scale for me. We put her in my sling to hang on the scale but it kept varying what the weight was. We finally picked a middle weight and agreed that she was about 7lbs 9oz but it kept bugging me all day. She just didn't look that big to me so we got 8 lbs of butter and weighed that. We finally came to the conclusion that the sling weighed about 6oz and the scale was off an oz or two. When she was 5 days old we got her weighed at the dr's office and she was 6lbs 7oz, so figuring she lost the typical 10% we think she was about 7lbs even or 7lbs 1oz. To keep it easy I just tell people she weighed about 7lbs.

The next two weeks I feel were also part of the birth story but I want to put it in a seperate post. I know I've covered it some in previous posts but I wanted to sum it up with thoughts so that is coming up next.

Oh, yeah, people have asked if dh was scared when I told him baby was coming. The answer is not at all. He is used to this baby birthing thing and has felt for several births that he was confident enough to catch. He also knows that I know what I'm doing (for the most part LOL) and trusts me.

Sorry I've been MIA

2008-08-20T20:39:00.002-07:00

I had to return to the hospital because of the blood clot the day after I last updated and then the day I returned home we lost the internet. Dh is trying to see if we can get by without it so, for now, I don't know when I will be back. We have tried going without it before and haven't been able to so I know eventually I will be back.

I'm still slowly recovering from the blood clot. It doesn't take much to exhaust me even though it's been three weeks since I slipped the blood clot. Everyone tells me it will be awhile before I'm back to normal but I still get frustrated. I've been able to cut way back on the pain meds but still need them at least once a day, usually in the evening after being up all day, so I can lay down to sleep.

Baby is nursing better but I still worry that she isn't getting enough because she seems unsatisfied a lot of the time so she gets 1-2 bottles a day. I really need to get her weighed and then maybe I won't worry so much. Hopefully I will be able to eventually get her off bottles completely but for now it helps because I can let someone else feed her so I can rest. I still need all the rest I can get. Most days I need 12-13 hours or I don't do well. The nicest thing is that she sleeps 8-9 hours a night. Now if I could just get my 2yo to sleep that long! LOL

Checking in

2008-07-31T18:40:00.003-07:00

I can't quite remember what I wrote about last except that I was talking about the nursing problems. I spent Thursday, Friday and Saturday pumping and resting with her skin to skin. She seemed to be doing well on just my milk so I didn't get dh to get any formula, although I considered it because we had a few super frustrating moments. I think I was more greatful that I didn't have any formula because it would have been very tempting to use it. By Sunday I could tell my supply had increased so I decided to not pump and see how she did on her own with no bottles or pumping. By Sunday night I could tell she was getting dehydrated again even though I knew I had an abundant supply so I decided I better get a better pump and find out why she wasn't nursing well enough to keep her well fed. I called a lactation consultant friend of mine and she gave me some suggestions and I contacted WIC and got an electric pump from them.
While I was at WIC they weighed her and their scale showed she had lost two pounds. I wanted to know for sure what she weighed so I stopped at her Drs office on the way home. She weighed 6 lbs 3.3 oz so she had lost 4 oz in 5 days. I decided I needed to be way more proactive about keeping her fed so I picked up an SNS on the way home.

This whole time, starting Monday morning, I was in a lot of pain in my back in my kidney area. I thought it was muscle spasms from sitting in wierd positions to get her latched on for too long so I started taking muscle relaxants and ibuprofen but everytime it wore off I had a hard time breathing. I couldn't lay down at all even with pain meds because it was so painful and I couldn't breathe. I spent all night Monday night awake either in pain, pumping, trying to get baby latched on or feeding her a bottle of formula (we just happened to get a sample in the mail that day, normally it would irritate me beyond belief. That night I was greatful!). Dh helped with the formula bottles so he didn't get any sleep either. Tuesday morning it was even worse so I decided I better see a dr. Since the muscle relaxants didn't stop the pain completely except when it was effective in my body I started thinking it was a kidney infection or stones. I went to the Dr and he quickly ruled out kidney pain and his very next thought was that it was either a blood clot in my lung or an amniotic embolism. He told me I had to go immediately to the hospital. I wasn't about to drive on the freeway in my condition so I drove to my friends house then we picked up dh on the way.

To make an already long story short, I had a ct scan when I got there and they found a blood clot in the bottom of my right lung. I spent the last two days in the hospital getting an anti-coagulant started and on heart monitors in case I passed another clot. Baby and dh stayed with me the whole time. I was really greatful for that because I knew I could be in there 5 days and the thought of being away from my baby that long about killed me. The hospital was so nice to take extra precautions so that baby wouldn't catch anything from the hospital staff. We had our own equipment for vitals, they put a sign on the door to remind people that we had a newborn and we didn't use anything again that had dropped on the floor. They borrowed a newborn cot, a pump and a stack of diapers from the maternity floor. I had to pump and dump for 24 hours so I was greatful, once again, for that can of formula. I was really nervous last night to try and nurse her again. I was worried after two days of bottles and an already bad latch that we were done nursing but she latched on once last night and twice today so I'm hopeful it will still work out.

I have to be on the anticoagulant for 6 months to a year. We are just all super greatful that the Lord has decided to keep me here for awhile longer! The crappiest part of it all? My postpartum bleeding had stopped last Saturday. Thinking it was a fluke I kept wearing pads. Yesterday I finally decided I was done for good and quit using pads. It start up again this morning! blech I'm pretty sure it's the anti coagulants so I'm wondering how long it's going to last.

Some have asked what they can do to help. It's still really hard to take care of baby when the pain meds wear off and I don't trust myself alone with her when I'm on the meds. Dh has to work tomorrow but I have a friend that is planning on spending the day with me. Depending on how I feel after the weekend I may need some more help of that type. My older kids are great but none of them feel very comfortable taking care of Kirstin yet. It hurts to walk and even though I'm supposed to walk I can only do it a little bit before I'm breathless and tired. The drs tell me the length of time that the pain lasts differs for everyone. For some it's only a few days, others it lasts weeks. Hopefully I am one of the lucky ones that only has it for a few days. I'm also spending a lot of time working on Kirstin's latch, pumping, then feeding her a bottle. My Mom has been out of town and will be home on Tuesday so if I need help it will only be Monday that I need it. It would also be helpful if someone could help me get a few batches of laundry into the wash.

A couple more things

2008-07-25T11:30:00.002-07:00

Things I've been thinking about since I wrote earlier this morning.

She doesn't latch on at all laying down. The only way I can get her to latch on is if I am sitting straight up, even hunched over a bit. I know, not the greatest position but it's the only one that works. I'm wondering if someone has a boppy type nursing pillow that I could try to see if the will help things a bit.

I've been pondering why night nursing is so much worse at night than during the day. I think it's partly because she is a typical newborn with her nights and days mixed up. During the day she would much rather fall asleep than continue trying to get something to eat. At night, she fusses until she gets something.

Another reason I suspect that I have never had enough milk is there was one night, I think it was day 4, she slept really, really good for me. I told dh I would feel like a new woman if she slept like that every night. She slept from 1:00 until 5:00 and then from 5:30 until 7:30. I should have woken up very full and swollen because my milk had just come in that morning but I wasn't.

I mentioned a motor oral issue is a possibility but it could be just preemie issues that we need to be patient with, which is what I've suspected all along. I only brought up the oral issues because I know several people that struggled with nursing because of it. I need to contact my LC friend but I don't know how much she charges for consultation and we don't have any money right now.

Other things I've tried.... One days 4 and 5 when I originally started wondering if I had enough milk I stayed in my room and did nothing except sleep and nurse. Dh was home and 2yo JZ was not here. That first night was the night that she slept really well and I thought "great, thats all we needed", but the next day it was just as bad as ever and that night, night 5, was the first night I gave her a binkie. I've tried every position I can think of (even a few creative ones! LOL) and read every bfeeding book I have to get more ideas. Tonight I'm going to get dh to take me to get a finger feeder and I try to not give her the binkie during the day because I'd rather have her try to latch but at night is when I'm usually the most desperate for relief. Today is actually the first day I've had any stress at all and it's only because JZ is home, dh had to work, we have an extra little guy that my 14yo is watching, my 16yo broke his shoulder so he can't help and my 11yo is vacationing with a friend. I do plan on closing myself into my room again just as soon as dh is home. Also, sometime today, Grandma is coming to get the three younger ones so I won't have JZ around and I can get some rest.

This morning we took a bath together so we can both be very relaxed and maybe work on it but, unfortunately, she thought it was a little too close to heaven! LOL I couldn't get her to wake up for anything! I have a nice pump that is hands free so I've been pumping on one side while I try to get her latched onto the other. It works pretty good except I am almost out of bags and it looks like they have discontinued this pump and I can't find any more bags. I'm very sad about this. I do have an avent one that works ok but it's too hard to nurse and pump at the same time.

Ok, those are all the things I could think of at the moment. Thanks, Brandi, for your comments. I know that I need to work on my nutrition but we don't have a lot of food in the house at the moment. Hopefully dh can go shopping tomorrow. I also know I need to work on my water intake. I thought of also trying that Mothers Milk tea to see if that helps.

Hum, problems? Might be TMI for some

2008-07-25T08:19:00.003-07:00

I'm not sure what to think about this little person! She is sooo sweet! But nursing her has become very, very frustrating. I had to finally break down last night and pump so I could feed her with a bottle. I'll start from the beginning so I can tell you whats happening.

First 24 hours she was a sleepy baby. I think she nursed 2-3 times. It was hard to get her to latch on but is that completely unusual? Not really, especially since she is a preemie, so I didn"t worry. I was super sore all the time but I was sore before she was even born so I was still not too concerned. Sometime during the second 24 hours she started eating more frequently and I could tell she was ravenous and anxious for my milk to increase. I could tell by the night of the second day that it was, in fact, increasing. That was still a frustrating night with her not being satisfied with nursing even though I allowed her to suck as long as she wanted. It took me awhile to get her latched on but once she finally did I could hear swallowing, feel let down and could see milk coming out. Yet, still, she never seemed satisfied. Morning of day 4 I could definitely say my milk had come in but I never did feel the incredibly engorged feeling that I normally feel. My breast size had increased and I was very sore and full but not the hard full I have experienced with every baby in the past. I didn't think much about it except that it was nice that I didn't experience that this time.

Finally, on day 4, after nursing her for 45 min on one side and an hour on the other, I gave her a binkie. I felt like she just needed that extra sucking time and I just don't have the time or energy to allow her 24/7 access to the breast. On day 5 she had a dr's appt. I told him the issues we've been having but agreed she just had a high sucking need. Her poop had progressed from meconium to a greenish/yellowish seedy poop and she'd had at least 3-4 wet diapers the last two days so we figured she was getting enough. I asked him to clip her tongue cause I knew she had a tight frenulum and was pretty sure that would make a huge difference in her latch.

Night of day 5 was a nightmare. It took me 1/2 hour just to get her latched on and then she nursed for at least an hour on one side. I finally decided it was time to switch and then same story. It took at least 1/2 hour to get her latched on then she nursed for an hour. After that I gave her a binkie and she finally, at 3:30 in the morning, fell asleep. She slept until 5:30 then we were up until 7:30 with the same story. Nursing went ok during the day, still having problems with latching but not quite as bad. Unfortunately her stool went back to a dark green color and was not very wet. She peed twice while I was changing her but I don't think she ever had any more in her diapers.

Last night, day 6, was another nightmare. I tried for an hour to get her latched on. Never could do it. She was starved and frustrated and I was exhausted. I finally handed her to dh and went and pumped out what I could. I got out about 1 1/2 oz, she drank it after a bit of convincing her that could get yummy stuff out of this wierd tasting plastic thing and for the first time in a week was actually content and happy when she finished. I have to admit that it was so nice to have her full and it was relatively easy and pain free (physically speaking of course, I bawled the entire time I pumped!) She woke up about 2 hours later, I went out to the couch so dh could sleep (he had to return to work today after taking the week off) and she latched on after just a few minutes. She nursed well and slept another 2 hours. Got up and tried to nurse her and once again, never could get her latched on. I finally gave her to 14yo ds so I could pump.

So here is what I'm wondering. Most people would say I should have never given her a binkie. I have thought that also but thinking back over the history I think she has had issues from day one. I don't think the binkie made any difference. I also think that maybe have her frenulum clipped made things worse instead of better. I think she is not getting enough from me and that my supply is dwindling quickly. So something has to change today or we could be in trouble. The other thing I'm wondering is if she has some sort of oral motor issue. Becky? If she does is there any hope of ever breastfeeding her? Is there anyone who would be willing to diagnose a baby at this age and is there things we can do today from an speech therapy pov? I already realize that a bottle/binkie route could/will make things worse but I don't know that, in the middle of the night, I had any other choice. And what do I do now? My plan is to continue trying to get her latched on but also start pumping so I can both get my supply back to where it should be and get some food into this baby regardless of whether not she is able to latch on. Is there any other suggestions?

Kirstin Alaina is here!!!

2008-07-18T15:59:00.001-07:00

Born at 36.1 weeks, 7 am this morning in the car. Long crazy story I will tell later but she weighs (we think, we have to double check it) 7 lbs 9 oz and is 18 1/2 in long.

Can't we just be patient???

2008-07-15T07:28:00.002-07:00

Ugh, it's driving me crazy! The minute the stitch is out everyone wants me to do everything I can to "get that baby out of you". I'm not even 36 weeks, for heaven's sake! Yesterday I did some light cleaning but since I'm still not up to par yet I'm resting a lot in between. I mentioned to my Mom that everytime I walked the contractions got closer together, I was exhausted and needed a nap more than I needed to run errands with her. She said "well, isn't that what you want? To walk so you can deliver that baby?" Um, not if I'm exhausted and it's not going anywhere anyway! URGH! Besides we want this baby to cook as much as she can before my body has decided it's done. Granted it would have been nice if she had come while my sis was visiting from California since she has never been here for any of my births and usually doesn't get to see them until they are at least 3 months old but it wasn't worth it to do everything I could to achieve that.

The only thing I'm nervous for is that there is a storm coming the next two days and we have a full moon on Friday and dh is having minor surgery on Thursday. He won't be ANY help for at least three days after the surgery. I'm a little nervous that I will go into labor that night or the next day. We have joked about how we will just both be laid up together and the kids would just have to do everything but the truth is I'm not thrilled about the idea, especially since he is my rock while in labor. I don't know how I will get through it without him. If I'm going to go into labor soon I'm praying it will come today or tomorrow or will wait until after Sunday.

I remember

2008-07-12T18:46:00.002-07:00

With Jaxon I was super anxious for him to come. I think it was mostly because I was in an incredible amount of pain and my ankles were super swollen. This time I'm much more settled about her coming when she wants to come. I'm not in a ton of pain, a little bit but it's manageable. I just feel free. Like for once I can just settle back and really enjoy whats left of this pregnancy and not worry so much about every contraction that I have. I can get in the tub because *I* want to and not because I'm worried about a string of contractions I've been having. I can carry things up and down the stairs without worrying about putting too much stress on the stitch. I guess I just feel like I can just have a relatively normal life for awhile. Now if I could just get my Mom to quit thinking I need to go to the hospital every time I've had contractions 10 min apart for several hours. I've done this before, I think I can figure it out! LOL Now we just need a bit of money so I can buy some of the things I still need before the baby comes.

Anyone interested in a Chevy Venture? We desperately need to sell it cause we are going to outgrow it any day now! LOL OTOH, we are looking for a 9 passenger suburban and a subaru outback or legacy to buy. Anyone selling one?

I'm a free woman!!!

2008-07-11T00:43:00.003-07:00

Wish I could do something about it but, afterall, I am only 35 weeks.

My cervical stitch was removed today. I thought the dr would wait another week or two but apparently all the hard contractions were doing more than I thought they were. I went in for my regular prenatal today and after I told him about the problems I've been having he decided he better check me. He said my cervix was very swollen, the stitch was acting like a tourniquet and digging in my cervix pretty bad. It really needed to come out.

Since then I've had so much cramping that I can barely walk most of the time. The contractions haven't changed much except they are more intense. It will take several days of this to get past the scar tissue that the stitch causes so I don't expect to go into labor anytime soon. It would be really nice if my body would take a chill pill for two more weeks so I can have a homebirth but I don't think it's likely to happen.

So, I will keep things updated as much as possible but I can't promise anything.

A driver and an independant child!!!

2008-07-09T07:52:00.002-07:00

Thats our good news for the week! JK took his drivers test on Monday and PASSED on the first try! I was so happy for him! He hasn't taken a real test in over 8 years so he was nervous and I was a little nervous for him. It's just a learners permit so he's not really an official driver yet but it will be nice to let someone else drive occasionally. Now he's bugging me every day to take him driving.

As for the independant child, JZ has been sleeping in his own bed for about a week now. Granted, he's sleeping with his sister and his mattress is on our floor but he's out of our bed!!!! I was beginning to worry that we would have two in our bed and I was soooo not thrilled with that. We finally realized that he would sleep there all night if he slept with AC and it makes AC happy because she would much rather sleep in our room so it works well. I don't know how she can stand his restlessness, though. Before we discovered this we could get him to fall asleep in his bed but he would always wake up about midnight and get in bed with us. Now he sleeps all night with AC. I can't tell you how happy I am about this. Now if I can just get him to quit hitting!

Things have finally improved

2008-07-03T08:30:00.002-07:00

Well, mostly. Apparently some feel that their need is more than mine so I have lost my biggest helpers, my boys. I don't know how I'm going to get by without their help except that dh and MA can't do it all and I won't expect them to.

I have had my sis taking care of JZ 5 days and I had her bring him home yesterday. 5 days is just too long for a little, not even two yo boy to be away from his Mommy but last night was a challenge for me. Dh's allergies are acting up again so he had a migraine. JZ is very clingy from his days away, understandable, but it was about all I could do to take care of him. This is just not good for me but I'm at a loss as to what else to do.

The good news is that the contractions seem to have settled down for now. It's been several days since I've had to time anything at all concerning. I actually got out for a few hours to run some errands with a friend. I mostly rode in the car with one exception but that felt really good to get out. It usually takes a day or two for activity to affect me so today or tomorrow will tell if the activity and having JZ home makes a difference in contractions.

I told my friend yesterday that I've never been entirely certain that any of the contractions would ever lead any where. I've never actually had a preemie baby and some women just contract like crazy and it never goes any where. Otoh, I have had three different times, three different pg's, that I've torn past the stitch in my cervix. One time was with no contractions, hence the incompetant cervix. The other two times was because of contractions. If I can contract hard enough to dialate past the stitch it only makes sense that I should be careful and any precautions I'm doing ARE helping. I could let go and see where the contractions end up but if I'm wrong and I end up delivering a preemie baby I would always regret it. So what choice do I have?

The other good news is that I only have two more weeks to stitch removal!!!! Yippee!!! I'm 34 weeks today.

Unusual for me

2008-07-01T06:12:00.002-07:00

Usually after a day or two of meds I can start taking them as needed again but not so this time. Every time I start slacking with taking them on schedule they start getting closer together. Yesterday I had them fairly far apart, about 15 - 20 min, but they were really hard and hurt. Like middle of labor hurt. Not quite transition hard, but close. About 8:00 pm they started getting closer together but all three of the meds had started wearing off so I took double of one of them (It's ok, dr has told me before to do it) and prepared myself for a long night. I was up with the jitters until about 1, slept until about 4 and it's 7 now. I'm going to try and sleep again in just a little bit. They are better this morning, further apart and not quite so hard.

It's very hard for me to feel positive when I'm on these meds. One of them makes me super tired but my mind races so I can't sleep, another gives me the shakes and the third makes my blood pressure drop so I'm dizzy when I get out of bed. One of them, not sure which, makes my mouth really dry so I've been eating a bunch of popsicles. One of them also makes me nauseas so I sip Coke but then that causes digestive problems. I wish for anything I could just forget it all but the responsible Mother in me makes me keep going. I just need two more weeks!

Long day yesterday

2008-06-27T05:52:00.002-07:00

I woke up about 5 am and realized I was having contractions. At first they were pretty irratic but eventually they were 15 apart, then 10 min apart. I didn't dare take any meds because my boys were going on Pioneer Trek and I had to buy a few last minute things before they left. So I quickly ran to the store (as fast as a big ol' pg women who is contracting every 10 min possibly can! LOL) then dropped the boys off. I called my friend to see if she would be available to take little people just in case my 11yo started feeling overwhelmed. I couldn't walk and could barely talk through them at this point so I was getting pretty nervous. Took the meds at about 8:30, stayed awake just long enough to make sure they were slowing down and then crashed. Slept until about 11 and realized when I woke up that the contractions were still about 15 min apart. About 1:00 I noticed the contractions getting closer together again. Repeated the meds at 1:30 and called the dr to see if he wanted me to do anything else. Just before I left I realized the contractions were now about 7-9 min apart. He wanted to see me at three. Didn't have anyone to take me and didn't dare drive myself so I called dh to see if he could come home. Coworkers took him to the train and he got home about 2:45.

Got to the Dr and he asked a bunch of questions and checked baby's heartrate. 160's-170's so I knew the terb was effecting her too. Dr wants me on both terb and procardia and wants me to stay down for now. He does not like to check me due to the cervical stitch unless he feels it's absolutely imperative so I don't know if there were changes. He also gave me a steroid shot for the baby's lungs.

Came home, took procardia, contractions finally started spacing out. Sent three youngest to Moms house, kept 11yo to help me. Still having them about every 20 min but very manageable. Woke up with a killer migraine, felt like I had a hangover! Still with contractions 20 minutes apart so I will probably be on meds for a few more days. Looks like today will be a fun day in bed with just my dd and me! We got dh to buy us lots of treats and will make today a movie and pampering day! Just wish I'd gotten him to rent us some movies. We will just have to happy with what we've got around here.

Funny thing that happened at the appt. My doc has had a resident following him around for a few months. I told the resident where to find the heartrate then guessed it was around 160-170. The resident got 180 but timed it for 10 sec. He was having a hard time figuring out what the heart rate was (30X's 6) so I told him it was easier to do it for 6 sec and x's it by 10. So he did it again and got what I got. He was totally impressed that I could guess the heart rate just by listening to it.

The biggest things that worried me were that they were not only consistent regardless of what I did and slowly getting closer together and that I couldn't walk or talk through them. Also that I was still getting them with meds. Hopefully that is the last scare and the next three weeks are uneventful!

I feel like I've lived in a shell the last 5 months

2008-06-24T07:23:00.002-07:00

I've lost contact with all of my friends except those that live close to me. I rarely go to church and church activities any more. I don't go to homeschool activities anymore except the ones I absolutely must. My Mom is very busy working at my sil's house, my sis is always working, another sil that I used to talk to all the time is busy getting a house ready to move into. I know it's my fault. I'm so caught up in emotions with this pregnancy that I'm having a really hard time moving past the immediate must do's. The midwife stuff is keeping me sooo busy and sooo tired too. I had quit for a few weeks because I was having so many problems but things have been so quiet in the contraction department that I told S that I could start doing births again. It's only for a few weeks because I can't take the chance that I will go into labor after 36 weeks so we will see how many births I get in between now and then. I will be 33 weeks on Thursday.

My other problem is that I have always had a hard time calling people. I have no idea why that is. I feel like I have to have a reason to call someone or I feel weird. I very rarely call up someone just to chat. I never drop by someones house just to drop by. I feel like I need a reason. I know this is what is required to maintain a friendship so why can't I get over it. My sil bought a house, what, 2 months ago, something like that, and I still have never seen it. Another friend had a baby 4 mo. ago and I still have not been up to see her. I think about them all the time. Why I don't act on it, I don't know. For a while I had really good reason to not go, mostly a possible chicken pox outbreak, but since then, I don't know. More busy than anything I suppose but I'm sure there were times I could have fit it in. I think I have been in survivor mode emotionally and it makes it really hard to reach out to others even though I know it would probably help in the end.

My birthday was last Thursday, the 19th. We didn't do much. Dh took me out to dinner and then the next night he gave me cash to buy my birthday present because the only thing I told him I wanted was too much effort for him so he didn't bother. I guess it was good cause I put that cash, cash from my mil and the gift card from my Mom together and bought a bike trailor. I had thought long and hard about it because I knew it was something I couldn't use for awhile but I've been wanting one for two years but could never quite justify it. There were a lot of little things that I could have bought with it instead but it's easier to come up with money for the little things than it is for one big thing. My sil called and my mil came by, but that was about it.

I read over my blog last week. I realized that I have never really shared how incredibly hard this pregnancy has been on me emotionally. It's very difficult to talk about, especially on paper, how much I have not wanted this baby. There, I said it, I'm a terrible mother. I feel very, very guilty and would not ever want my baby to know that for months I prayed that I would miscarry. When I realized that I had reached the point where a miscarriage would mean a burial, I started looking forward to the day that she could be born and still survive. I feel expecially guilty with these emotions because I have a sis and two sil's that have a hard time getting pregnant and a friend that has a hard time hanging on to pregnancy's. Looking back, this pregnancy has been much easier than the last one and I've been very grateful for that, although I will admit that I have done more than I probably should be. I think I'm banking on the fact that I've never had a truly preemie baby. The question is, is it because I'm always very careful or is it that I'm more ok than I've ever thought. Maybe if I had known that this one wouldn't be a repeat of the last one I wouldn't have taken the news so hard and maybe I wouldn't have dreaded every day of this pregnancy. I can honestly say, now, that I'm looking forward to taking care of a sweet baby girl again. I'm not looking forward to the downsides yet, like the all nighters and the teething and the tummy aches etc but I'm much more ok with it than I used to be. I am looking forward to dressing a little girl again and doing her hair. I realized a few days ago that I don't even have any bows to put in her hair. I want to go bow shopping! I also have very few blankets so it will be fun to go shopping for them too.

I would love to go into how much my house is frustrating me but this post has gotten too long as it is. Sufficeth to say I feel like I'm doing 1 step forward and 10 steps back! UGH!

This is silly

2008-06-16T05:27:00.002-07:00

I keep going to my friends blog to get the link to my blog so I can write an entry! As soon as I'm done with this one I WILL put the link into my favorites! LOL

Yesterday was Fathers Day. Didn't work out the way I would have liked to but it was still fun. I gave dh a new wallet cause his was falling apart. I wanted to fill it full of pics of the family but didn't think of it until yesterday morning and there wasn't enough ink in my picture printer to do it. I will have to get some another time and do it.

We went to my Mom's house after church. I didn't go cause I had done too much on Saturday and woke up with some cramping. I want to lodge an official complaint about our ward! Women get cards on Mothers day and Men get candy and cookies on Fathers day! Whats wrong with this picture! LOL Anyway, at my Mom's house we celebrated all of the May and June b-days (my Moms been busy painting my bro's house). She gave me a $20 gift card to Walmart. Hum, I have no idea what I want to buy! I can think of a dozen things baby, kids, hubby etc but nothing for me. I thought of maternity clothes but I don't want something for just a month of wear. Maybe a new nursing top? Do they sell those? Maybe some music? Am I the only one like that? I don't think women think about themselves enough. Oh, I have another idea! Maybe some bath things. I take a bath quite often for pain relief. It would nice to add some scents or oil or something like that. Or I could add something to my midwife kit. I need a blood pressure cuff. Sounds boring, though. Hum, it could take me a couple of months to use it but if I put it off I will probably use it for something really boring like food! LOL

I'm up very early this morning. Couldn't get back to sleep after JZ woke me up. I really enjoy it even though I probably need sleep more. It is just so nice to have a few hours to myself. No endless chatter, no contant noise from machines, no constantly keeping an eye on a little boy that literally goes from one trouble to the next.

JA has a diabetic appt this morning. As usual I kept a close eye on him in the beginning right after the hospital stay, but as usual, life took over and I haven't checked his meter for awhile to make sure he is testing. He seems to be going through insulin faster and I have seen some good changes so hopefully we will see good results today. One of the biggest changes I've seen is that he has gotten a lot better about keeping a meter with him at all times and taking emergency supplies with him when he goes places.

My handsome boys

2008-06-12T10:00:00.002-07:00

These were two of the costumes I made that week. I will have to see if I can find a pic of the other generals coat that I made. It turned out pretty good, I think. Sorry it's so dark. I will have to see if I can get someone to enhance it for me. I have next to no skills when it comes to pic editing! LOL My boys had to grow their hair out for the play. We got it cut ASAP after the play was over. They look much better now. I should post before and after pics. I might also post the section of the play that Josh had to dip kiss a girl! I don't know how to cut out just that portion though, so I'm not promising anything.

I should learn to not post when I'm tired and feeling depressed. Life isn't quite so bad when I feel normal (relatively!). We have very little to do the next three days so hopefully I can get my kids motivated to do their chores really well and then things will be MUCH better!

I'm trying sooo hard to not look at my house!

2008-06-11T06:35:00.002-07:00

But today it's really getting to me! There is not one spot in this entire house that is not completely covered with crap! Yeah, I could ask for help but I'd be completely embarrassed for anyone to step foot in here! My visiting teachers came last night and, of course, I downplayed everything and didn't ask for help although it's probably obvious we aren't doing so great in the cleaning department. I'm trying to figure out why we were able to keep the house so much cleaner last time while on bedrest. The only thing I can think of is that my Mom was coming often and keeping the kids on task and I didn't have an (almost) 2yo constantly destroying every thing. I was watching him last night and thinking about what he had done over a period of a day and thinking "no wonder my house is a disaster!"

I missed the Red Tent park day yesterday. I'm very sad about it! Hopefully I can go to the next one. I miss my friends.

5 weeks left. Actually I would happy with 3 more weeks. I'm 31 weeks tomorrow.

Anyone ever have to get a copy of a social security card? I really need to get JK's but it's proving very difficult. They want two forms of ID but all we have is a birth certificate. They want some kind of id card that has his picture on it. The only place he is going to get one is from public school and he doesn't go. We have his homeschool exemption certificate but I don't know if that is acceptable since there is no picture on it. We could make a homemade version, but once again, I don't know if that will be good enough. My biggest issue is that there are possibilities but the only way I'm going to find out if they will be good enough is to go to the SS office and wait in line for 3 hours. Not thrilled about that since I shouldn't be doing very much anyway and if it doesn't work then I have to find something that does and then stand in line three hours again. He has to have it to take the drivers test so he can take drivers ed in July. I'm also concerned that once I get the process started it will take 6 weeks to get to us. We need it in about 4 weeks! Dh keeps saying we need to just go through the storage and find his original but then doesn't do much more than that. I can't do it by myself, dear! I need you for that! Plus he has a huge list of things to do and it just isn't a priority for him!

We need to sell our Chevy Venture minivan. I'm sad because I really loved that van and planned on driving it until it was undrivable but unfortunately we need a bigger car. We are looking for a Suburban and a smaller car that is easy on gas.

What a difference a week makes

2008-06-02T07:39:00.002-07:00

We, meaning mostly dh, got lots done so we are doing a bit better than the last time I posted. The brakes are now fixed, we have a working front door, the yard is mostly cleaned up (I just need some little girls to pick up their chalk, dh moved the couches into the garage (hopefully I can get the cushions cleaned this week so we can move it inside) and the costumes are finished. My house is still a wreck but the boys will be home more this week so hopefully we can make some headway with it.

The bad news is that I have put myself on partial bedrest. Which means staying down 90% of the time. I'm hoping to still ward off full time bedrest but the next few days will tell me if that is necessary. Until now, if I rest for a few days after have a really bad bout of contractions I could return to semi normal life. Not so this time. I had a bad day on Thursday, stayed down Friday, did a few things on Saturday, had another bad session Saturday night and Sunday morning. Usually one dose of meds take care of everything but Sunday night was the first time I seriously considered taking a second dose. I never did because the ctx still hurt but they were erratic and spaced far apart (20 min as opposed to the 8 min in the morning). I'm going to get the kids to help me do the laundry today. We have a good system down so I don't end up doing a whole lot myself. The kids bring all the laundry to me, then I sort it. I have front loaders so both the little girls, and even JZ, can help load and unload the machines. I put the soap in. The girls unload the dryer and bring the batch to me then they help me fold it. Everyone puts their own stuff away, dh puts mine away and they take turns putting JZ's stuff away.

The Shakespeare play went really well. JA has to pretend dip kiss a girl! He feels very awkward about it, though. The girl he has to do it with had an Uncle in the audience who is a professional choreographer. He came up to JA afterwards and gave him a few pointers. Hopefully that will help will relax a bit. He looks soooo handsome in his general's uniform. JK did a great job too! We only took video so as soon as I get still pictures I will post them. They have another performance tonight, Wednesday and Thursday then we are done with Shakespeare!!! YIPPEE

If you'd like to see a performance, lmk.

Possibly heading towards bedrest

2008-05-23T11:59:00.002-07:00

I've been in pain since Wednesday. I can barely walk, the pelvic pressure is so bad and I've been contracting like crazy. I had to take terbutaline last night. I haven't had to take it for two months. I wondered (hoped) it was a bladder infection again but I got it checked yesterday and there isn't one. I'm blaming this one on my neighbor. She did some thing that has me super stressed out plus I have about 100 things going on. I'm worried that if I go to bed she will call the city, the dog pound and CPS! Long story and I don't feel like going into details but to sum it up we have a couch, a bunch of chalk, a few boards with nails sticking out and a few weeds in my front yard, a dog that barks occasionally (mostly when her son is out on his skateboard), I homeschool and homebirth. She could easily pick on me if she really wanted to.

I have costumes to finish, a couch to clean up so I can bring it inside, my house is very dirty because my kids have been doing the bulk of the cleaning lately and, well, they are kids. I have a front door that doesn't open, brakes that squeak and a son that is sleeping on the floor because his bed is broken. I wanted to finish my midwife requirements before I started having problems but because most of the births this month have gone too fast I've only been to two and I should have been finished by now. So I'm probably going to have to quit before I get finished.
I don't really have anyone that can help me either. My Mom is out of town, my MIL just got back from 3 wks in Africa and has a big event on Monday to get ready for. Most of my friends are either out of town or as busy as I am. Dh has a hard time getting the ok to take time off so most of the time he just doesn't bother. Thank goodness he has a three day weekend. Hopefully we can get a bunch of things done.

Yep, I'm being whiney and feeling very done with all of it.

Much, much better!

2008-05-16T07:40:00.002-07:00

I think the Lord has decided to save me from myself because I've had very few problems since that last entry. I don't think I've timed any contractions since then, the pain is mostly gone and I started prilosec for the heartburn. I still occasionally have to stay up late due to heartburn but it only happens once or twice a week rather than the every night that it was before. The blood sugars are much better, not sure why except I've found what works for my body and I'm following it. The Dr also suggested that the UTI might have been partially responsible.

As predicted, JA did really well for two weeks, then I noticed yesterday that he has started to slacken off on his testing. It's the same routine. He does really well for a week or two after an appt, I watch him really closely until I start feeling like he is doing ok, then I start giving him more space and after a couple of days he starts missing a test here or there then it eventually gets to the point where we are lucky if he remembers one test a day. I will resume watching him closely today. He has his first appt with a counselor next week, good timing I think!

Cp update. Well, I still don't know. JZ and AC should have broken out this week if they were exposed. Granted it could still happen in the next 3 or 4 days plus AC got a few red dots on her face that could possibly be cp but there weren't any other symptoms ie: fever. So I still can't say for sure but it seems like if it were cp at least one of them would have gotten a more severe case. So at the moment I'm assuming that it was never cp to begin with and they should still get exposed at some point.

He is home

2008-05-04T22:36:00.002-07:00

When I got to the hospital on Thursday I met with JA's Dr and he said that since his numbers were fine during the night that he would be able to go home. He needed to meet with the psychologist one more time and go to a nutrition class and then would be done. We left about 12:30 and he decided he wanted to go to the remainder of his classes for the day so we got home, he showered, then I took him to school. He said everyone was very surprised to see him.

He has done great since we came home but he always does for the first week or two after a Dr's appt. The real test is to see if he continues. We have made a few changes in routine so hopefully that helps.

I was recently told that mild cases of cp can come and go. When I picked up SR on Thursday she had a few more spots on her lip. I assumed because of that that it was not cp until somebody told me otherwise, course that wasn't until after she played with a friend on Saturday! I'm feeling frustrated because of it! I just wish I could say for sure one way or another. It would have been much easier if she had just gotten a full blown case of it.

It's been a crappy pregnancy day. I am now in the portion of my pregnancy that I dread from day one. I get heartburn so bad that I start dreading the thought of food. I usually spend the first half of the night sitting upright until whatever I ate before bed (I don't eat any later than 7:00, I go to bed at 10) finally gets digested. A lot of the time that doesn't even help. I've tried every remedy known to man, NOTHING works! This pregnancy I'm finding my blood sugar slowly creeping up. It used to be that the only thing that affected it was a lot of straight sugar all at once. I've taking a cup of jelly beans here. Now I can't seem to have any more than about 55 carbs for breakfast or it goes high. Between the two I'm beginning to feel a real aversion to food.

I just wrote a long whiny paragraph that I've decided I don't really want to share but sufficeth to say I'm sick of the pain and ctx and I still have at least 12 weeks left. I would spend most of my time crying my eyes out except I can't stand the stuffy nose that goes along with it. The biggest thing I worry about is that most of the time I don't care whether or not I'm having contractions so I ignore them. You don't have to remind me how risky that is.

A friend from church told me today that she is pregnant. I think she said she was around 8 or 9 weeks. I'm not quite certain what she wanted from me. First she stated that she wants to get to the point where she has homebirths but for now she wants to stay with her OB but that her OB is changing hospitals to one further away from us. Then she said something about a midwife. (Still trying to figure out staying w/ ob and going to midwife too? Maybe a mixed practice?) I told her that even though I can't take the national exam to become certified until August 2009 I could still be a DEM before that and that I also planned on talking to some midwives about being my backup. So then she backed up and said she wasn't ready for a homebirth yet. At first I thought she was wanting me to be her midwife but I realized after the conversation that I didn't quite know what she wanted. Anyway, just thought it was interesting!

Quick update

2008-05-01T06:08:00.002-07:00

I need to leave for the hospital but I thought I'd update you real quick.

JA is doing fine although he got a bit bored last night. He is already tired of the things he brought to keep him busy. We are finding out that he really wasn't getting enough insulin. I felt a little better when even the hospital couldn't keep his blood sugar down in a normal range. We met with a psychologist that feels he does have some emotional problems that would benefit from meeting with a counselor so we will start that when he is released.

MA is feeling much better. We still don't know if SR had cp but the three sores she had are scabbed over so even if she had it she is no longer contagious. I think the only way we will know for sure if she had it is if the other kids get it too.

Ok, off to the hospital. I'm hoping to make it before the Dr. comes in to see him.

As if I didn't have enough on my plate

2008-04-29T08:58:00.002-07:00

Lets see, where to start? JA went in yesterday for his regular diabetic checkup and it's not good news. In spite of all the changes we've made and watching his blood sugar checks closer (obviously still not close enough) his average blood sugar (Aic) is still way too high (10.7). The Dr needs to know if he is getting the right amount of insulin and the only way to really do that is to put him in the children's hospital for a few days. We have to check in today after one and then he will be there until Thursday. As much as I would love to stay there with him the whole time I just can't imagine I will get much sleep on those lovely hospital beds with my big ol fat pregnant body! LOL So I will come home during the night and stay there all day.

Sunday, SR had a fever. Actually she was complaining first about a rash on her bottom. It didn't look like a diaper rash type of thing (she wears pullups at night) but I wasn't really sure what it was. She said she felt fine otherwise so we all got ready and went to church. As soon as we got there I realized she had a fever so dh brought her home (10yo was home sick, next story!). Monday I looked at the sores again and realized they looked like chicken pox. I still don't know for sure what it is because she only has the three on her bottom and she got them before the fever but they really look like what I remember cp looking like. Since we don't know for sure we are going to treat her as if she has it and take the proper precautions. I was concerned about putting JA in the childrens hospital but the nurse assured me that since he has been vaccinated they won't worry about it. I haven't a clue where she was exposed (to those who are wondering I didn't ever expose her on purpose like I considered. If it is cp obviously the Lord decided for me).

MA has a horrible raw throat with little white spots on it. She started up with a fever on Sunday and the sore throat has gotten to the point where she has quit eating. So I'm going to get her tested for strep today.

So this is my day. I need to take MA to the dr, get JA packed for the hospital and the rest of the kids packed for Grandma's, make some phone calls to make arrangements for the kids, call the midwife I'm working under to discuss situation, pick up prescriptions that my kids will run out of during hospital stay, take all the kids to Grandma's, drop JK and AC off at their classes and then head to the hospital. I won't mind the break at the hospital, though!

Someday I may

2008-04-24T16:41:00.002-07:00

get around to keeping this blog current all the time. Someday my house may be clean again. Someday my fridge won't look like a science project Someday my girls won't have to borrow each others underwear or struggle to find something to wear because the laundry will be caught up. Someday I will be able to do a lot of things. Today and probably not any time soon will not be that day.

Yeah, I'm a bit discouraged. I had to miss prenatals again today. I am soooo not happy about it. I missed the last birth that came up, thank goodness it was a transfer (obviously not for the Mom but it did make me a little less bummed about it). If any births come up in the next few days I will probably have to miss it too. I went to a midwifery conference last Saturday. Loved it, had tons of fun, learned lots and came home feeling crampy with hugely swollen ankles. I let someone rub them for me knowing all along that it could cause problems but it felt heavenly and actually helped quite a bit. They went down a bit and I had to pee soon after (sorry TMI! LOL) Unfortunately the cramping started up within 1/2 hour and by the time I got home I was doubled over in pain and could barely walk. My family was at my Mom's celebrating JA's bday so I had to go there first when I really wanted to just go home. I had a quick bite to eat, we opened presents and ate cake then I got dh to drive us home and leave his car there.

Anyway, the cramping didn't stop until Wednesday, then the contractions started up. I ended up having to take terbutaline for the first time this pregnancy. I avoided it as long as I could cause I really hate how it makes me feel but after trying everything I could think of and contractions getting way too close together and painful it was time to do something different. Today is much better with just a bit of cramping and very few contractions. I told a friend today that I will spend a few more days down and then try to increase my activity and she said she thought those increased activity days were over. I know in my heart that is probably true but I'm soooo not happy about it. I'm still hanging on to the hope that I can keep going to births until the end of May.

I struggle a lot these days with anger. I struggle with not knowing what to do or where to go with my life. I want to make plans anyway and keep hoping but I'm slowly losing that hope. I want to ask a lot of why's but then I think why not? What makes me so special that I think I won't struggle. More than anything I don't trust any thought that I think might come from the Lord because that's why I'm in trouble now. I still have a basic strong testimony that God lives and He knows I exist but beyond that, I'm struggling.

I desperately need dh to go through storage and find maternity clothes for me and short sleeved clothes for the kids. Most of his evening are very busy, some days he doesn't get home until 7:30, then he spends the rest of the evening cooking dinner, running kids back and forth, doing laundry, going to the grocery store etc so I don't know when he will have time. His Saturday's end up getting filled up with other things that come up so I may just have to figure out how to do it without him. He is such a sweetheart, though, he never complains!

Sorry to complain so much. I will try to post some upbeat posts soon.

I can't believe how long it's been since I've updated!

2008-03-24T09:14:00.002-07:00

Are you all wondering if I fell off the face of the world? LOL I'm still alive and kicking, just barely! LOL The surgery went well but it took me MUCH longer to recover than I thought it would. A week after the surgery I still couldn't sit up or walk for very long. Two weeks after I wasn't in pain but felt exhausted most of the time. It was three weeks after when I finally felt relatively normal. It was very worth it, though. I feel sooooo much better. I can eat just about anything without having problems. It took awhile for my digestion to normalize but it was still much better than before.

On Thursday I will be 20 weeks. Goes fast, doesn't it. The first 20 weeks are typically my easiest and they haven't been for the last two pregnancies, this one and the last one but I'm hoping the next 20 won't be a repeat of the last one. I've already had several days when I've had to stay down due to contractions so I'm not very hopeful.

Kids are doing great. JZ is a normal almost 2yo. I've never had a climber until now. I know, after 6 kids I should have had more than one but he is my first. I'm finding him on top of everything, even in our jetted tub that is nearly 4 feet high! Thank goodness there was no water in it! I caught him another time with a chair pushed up to the counter getting into the cookie jar.

Easter was fun. I was hoping for a nice family pic but JZ was sleeping. Maybe I will try again next Sunday. Everytime I turned around JZ had found another piece of candy from somebody's else's basket.

I think I've been trying to pass a kidney stone. When they did the scan for my gallbladder they said there was also a stone in my kidney and said if it wasn't bothering me than to not worry about it. I asked my sil what it was like for her and my symptoms sound similar to hers so maybe that quiet stone is now causing trouble for me. Yeah, I know, just what I need! LOL

I'm still going to births. I keep wondering if I will be able to do it much longer but the last few I've been to haven't needed much support from me so I mostly sit on the couch and read or chat with relatives with intermittent heart rate checks. I have now caught 6 babies and am up to 24 births total! Yay! Just need 16 more. If things go well I could be done by the middle of May. Thanks for checking in, Brandi, I loved being at your birth!

Surgery

2008-02-04T13:06:00.000-07:00

Originally my surgery was scheduled for Feb 12th but the Dr called today and wants to do it tomorrow! No reason I can't except it's hard for me to change gears so suddenly but I am really excited that I don't have to deal with the pain for another week. I don't look forward to all the icky things that go along with surgery like the smell of the mask and the anesthesia, the horrible sore throat after the surgery, the tummy upset after the surgery and the weak feeling before from going too long without eating. Plus this week is better than next only because the kids won't have to miss a few activities that we thought they would.

I will let you all know as soon as I can how the surgery goes.

Update on Gallbladder

2008-01-30T07:07:00.000-07:00

I saw the general surgeon on Monday. He was very hesitant to take out what could be a healthy gallbladder since we can't do the test that would definitively say whether or not it is my gall bladder that is causing me so much trouble. He was worried about putting me under anesthesia because of the risks to the pregnancy and wasn't sure it was worth the risk. He suggested that we try and wait it out and "nurse" me through the pregnancy, meaning when the pain becomes more than I can handle with the meds I have at home that I could go to the ER for more pain relief. He said it might occasionally even require a two or three day stay.

I told him that I have to have anesthesia anyway for the stitch and that I was not really thrilled about the wait and see approach. He decided to pencil me in a surgery date and then give me the opportunity to "think it over". One the way home I realized "Are you kidding me? Add more ER visits to the ones I could already potentially have because of this pregnancy? Right!" Normally I am against violating the body and and I like the idea of keeping all my organs unless absolutely necessary but occasionally I'm for the easy road out and in my opinion taking the small risks in order to avoid the extra hospital time is worth it.

Am I wrong? If you have some kind of cleanse or something that I can take that you are fairly certain won't harm the baby more than having the surgery, step up now! I have two weeks to change my mind.

Gallbladder problems

2008-01-24T16:23:00.000-07:00

Not fun! It's been going on for 3 weeks now. Saturday night I had an episode that was more than I could handle and ended up in the ER. They gave me fentanol, checked to make sure my white count wasn't going up, checked the baby and sent me home. I talked to my Dr on Tuesday and told him I'm having 2-3 attacks a week and he said "We've got to get that thing out of you." Unfortunately he said we can't do it until 16 to 20 weeks, so 5 more weeks. We just have to pray it doesn't go septic before then. I have an appt with a GI Dr on Monday and I'm hoping he will tell me it can come out earlier.

It frustrates me because if I weren't pregnant I would do lots of cleanses and herbs to try and heal it myself but my hands are more tied being pregnant.

I met with an OB yesterday to decide if he will put a stitch into my cervix. I haven't liked the last two Dr's that did it so I decided this time it was going to be on my terms. I really liked him. He listened to my concerns and questions and didn't make me feel like I was a dumb pregnant woman that didn't know what I was talking about. He wants to coordinate the stitch surgery with the gallbladder surgery but likes to have the stitch put in before 14 weeks so hopefully the GI Doc will be willing to do it then too.

I will try and keep you updated.

JZ has something to show you

2008-01-13T11:49:00.000-07:00

He doesn't look happy about it, does he. Unfortunately it was the best pic out of the bunch of pics taken. Yes, we were done and, yes, this was a surprise. Due Date is Aug 16, JK's 16th birthday.

Lots to catch up on

2008-01-04T08:18:00.001-07:00

First, there is JA's broken arm. He was ice skating with some friends and ran into someone and fell. When I found out that he had continued skating for another hour and a half I knew it had to be sprained. A person can't possibly skate for that long with a broken arm. LOL I took him to the ER just to be safe and, yep, it's broken! So he had nice green cast for Christmas. He was a bit disappointed because he has been practising his clarinet so he could play it for our Christmas eve program and then couldn't because of the cast. Oh well!

Next there is my accident. I haven't talked about it very much so I don't think most of you know. I'm not even sure my inlaws know. Anyway I was on my way to a meeting during a snowstorm. I was going about 45 on the freeway and hit a pile of accumulated slush. It made me spin around and slide into the median. I smashed up the tail of my van pretty good. I'm irritated because the only reason I had to call the police was because I was backwards on the freeway and couldn't figure out how to get turned around safely with all the traffic. I, of course, got a ticket, which I am so not happy about. I was just really greatful that I didn't hit any other cars, I didn't get hurt and I was still able to drive my van afterwards. The car is now in the shop and I'm driving a little podunk Taurus!

Third, Christmas. We had a very nice Christmas. We had a fun party at my inlaws house Sunday night. My inlaws gave me some serving bowls, which I desperately needed. We had yummy chicken cordon bleu for dinner. My kids had lots of fun with cousin's and loved the gifts they got from Grandma and Grandpa. My bil and sil gave us gift cards to Applebee's and Blockbuster, which we used on New Years Day. Thank you Steve and Michelle!

We spent Christmas Eve at my parents. We ate dinner, then had a Christmas Eve program where everyone did their own planned presentation. Some played the piano, some sang and some read stories or poems. Then the kids all opened pj's and we had dessert then went home and to bed. Dh and I had finished all the wrapping previously so we didn't have to stay up.

Christmas morning, the kids got up at 7:30. My oldest set his alarm just so they would get up earlier. Everyone was mad at him! They would have all slept until probably 8:30 or 9 if he hadn't done that. Oh well! We had strawberry and banana crepes for breakfast, then opened gifts. JZ wanted all the gifts except his own! Later, after we finished opening gifts, we went to my Moms house and opened more presents. All the kids pitched in a gave her a stove. She hasn't had one for a year and was exstatic!

Dh and I got new callings for the new year. Dh got called to teach the 9yo's and I got called to the nursery. I'm really, really not happy about this. I've been literally counting down the weeks until JZ could go to the nursery and then they go and put me in it with him. Why do they do that?

2008-01-04T08:18:00.000-07:00

7 births in just over two weeks

2007-12-09T06:55:00.000-07:00

Holy cow, I'm exhausted. The hardest one was the 36 hour labor with a transfer, then 24 hours later I had another birth and was up another 28 hours.

A friend asked me how my kids did after the 36 hour one. I left at 2:30 in the afternoon, kids were by themselves until Dad came home at 5:30 and Dad took them all to a church Christmas party (poor guy!). The next morning Grandma came and got them, dropped the boys off at school and the rest of the kids at the other Grandma's house. The boys walked to the first Grandma's house (they were working at the temple) after school and the second Grandma came and picked them up in the evening. She, of course, spoiled them by taking them to Wendy's for dinner. I got home about 9:00 that evening and was informed that they all wanted to sleep at Grandma's house. She decided to keep the baby too so I had no kids and could sleep as long as I wanted. Of course I naturally woke up at 8:00!

So this friend wanted to know how my kids handled it. She said her kids would have been basketcases after two hours of her being gone. It made me realize how blessed I am that my kids do fine without me. I guess they are used to having a not so normal family life all the time although I feel they definitely have a stable family life. I'm also blessed to have both a Mom and a Mil that adore my kids and are very willing to help out whenever they can.

So here is my question to you all. Last week, before the last two crazy births, I was really wanting to go off by myself or with some friends to get some "me" time. It didn't help that I read somewhere that apprentices need to make sure they are taking care of themselves. I went to a food tasting party on one night and felt guilty because it was more time away from my kids. So how do I find the balance of being gone lots with births, still take care of myself but also spend enough time with my kids. Then there is the cooking and the cleaning and the laundry and the shopping and everything else that comes with taking care of the family. Some days I feel like my relationship with my kids comes last and it should be first. Do I really have the "right" to be going off to be by myself or with friends when I already leave my kids so much already? OTOH, I'm not feeling that need to get away right now. I'm so worn out from all these births that I really want to just stay home!

Pic of my family

2007-12-04T11:10:00.000-07:00

http://www.tammyjarman.typepad.com/

It's the 13th and 14th one down, the one with three girls, three boys, baby JZ sitting on my lap. My sil took all the pics. She does great work, huh! I haven't had a great pic taken of me for a long time so I was especially pleased with our couple pic. Sil is supposed to give me CD with the pics on it so as soon she does (hint, hint) I will put it right on my blog.

I also put a bunch of pics together from this year for my sis so she can make a calendar for my Mom for Christmas. I thought I'd put a few of those on here too. Just not today! LOL

My sil has a singing group

2007-12-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

I think she has an awesome voice. Go listen to them at http://www.claritymusic.blogspot.com/

In the picture on the left, she is the second from the left, Karen.

Yay! High Speed Internet!

2007-11-26T07:54:00.001-07:00

We took a huge leap of faith this month and got rid of our home phone. I already have a cell phone, dh has one through work and we got the kids a phone with my parents family share plan so it seemed a natural step to just get rid of the home phone. It's working ok although we've had a few glitches like when my phone got dropped in the toilet and I had to use the kids phone for a few days. It meant leaving the kids home by themselves without a phone. It might be a good reason to get a insurance plan on my phone.

Anyway, we used the money from getting rid of the home phone and put it towards internet. LOVE IT! I can finally start watching the fun videos from Utube that people love to pass on. I can also navigate much faster which means I can keep up on my blog better and keep up on others blogs too. The transition from no home to internet took us a few weeks plus the laptop, where all my links are, is dying so I haven't been able to update for awhile.

I've started going to births. I'm now up to grand total of 8 births attended. I know, not much, but it's a start. The hardest part is leaving my baby when he is sick. We've had croup and stomach issues going through the whole family. Not fun. So far, though, all the births have been either at night or on the days dh is home so it hasn't affected my family a whole lot.

Yay, lots of good news.

2007-10-24T08:02:00.000-07:00

My Mom came home from the hospital last Thursday, the last day that I posted. They shocked her heart and it worked so they sent her home several hours later. She still isn't doing so great, though. Occasionally her heart goes into A-fib and she is tired all the time. I'm going up several times a day to help her with various things and take her places. I hope she starts improving soon.

JZ is 99% weaned! Friday night was the end of my rope. He woke up about 1:30 to nurse and suddenly I realized why I really do not enjoy nursing him. He has this annoying habit of latching on for a minute, nursing then pulling off for a minute. Latching on again, pulling off. On and off for 20 min straight. Usually I eventually put an end to it when I get fed up but Friday night at 1:30 in the morning I'd had all I could take. I was done. Dh took him for awhile and rocked him to sleep. We were up from 1:30 until 5:30. We would just get him to sleep and lay him down and he would wake up. I won't tell you what I eventually did because it isn't pc but he eventually got exhausted enough that he stayed asleep.

Since then he hasn't even asked to nurse at night. I can't say our nights are any better than when I was nursing him but at least dh can take him and he won't throw a fit. He asks sometimes during the day but I just sign all gone and get him a drink or food and he does fine. For the most part he really doesn't get upset when I won't let him nurse. Over all it went much easier than I thought it would. I did let him nurse on Sunday and then again this morning because I was full but I suspect it will be the last time.

So, overall I'm getting a bit more sleep. I was awake from 2:30-5:30 Tuesday morning but it wasn't his fault. I just couldn't sleep. I slept good last night.

So the last bit of good news is that my house work is all caught up. It's cluttered and my fridge desperately needs to be cleaned out but it's all stuff that would only take about a few hours and then it would be all clean. But my laundry is all caught up and all the organizing is done. My next big project is to get some curtains on all the windows. I think my kids would appreciate that! After that I want to clean all the carpets.

Still working on weaning

2007-10-18T00:43:00.000-07:00

It will take forever, I think! LOL I seem to have gotten it down to just once or twice during the day. Night time is still insane. I hate to admit but the nights that we do the best are the nights I give him Motrin and Benedryl. He fell asleep before I gave it to him tonight. He woke up at 11:45, it's 1:45 and he is awake again. Yes, I've been awake since the first time he woke up. The night before when I gave him the meds he woke up once at 2:00 and then again at about 5:30. I could handle only twice a night.

My Mom is in the hospital. She went in on Sunday because she was dehydrated and bo explanation for it. She was also have wierd heart rate patterns. 4 days later she has had an angiogram and a stent put in. No idea when she will be home but she still had a funky heart rate so I'm not sure it will be today or even tomorrow. The insane lady started a daycare a few months ago so I've took it over for. I'm near exhausted with taking care of two households and way too many kids!

I'm also worried about a friend. I want to be there for her. I'm just not sure how.

The end of next week I will start attending lots of births. Hopefully things will return back to normal. Not by any means calm but at least normal. Baby, I need sleep!!!

Whats new in our lives?

2007-10-03T07:18:00.000-07:00

Not much. I desperately need/want to wean JZ but he doesn't like it so much. Some days it's pretty easy to distract him, other days it doesn't work so well. He has been waking 5-7 times in a night. It's been suggested that if we wean he will quit waking at night. Maybe, it worked for A when she was a baby but I can't figure out a good time for me to miss at least three nights of any sleep at all to get up and walk him back to sleep a dozen times each night. Yes, dh would help but he has been crazy busy doing overtime at work. He needs sleep too. So either I get a little sleep nursing him 5-7 times each night for ever and ever or I get up and walk with him until he goes back to sleep. Biggest problem is that he is a super light sleeper. It's very hard to lay him down after we put him to sleep and have him stay asleep. So I get up, walk with him for 1/2+ hour until he is limp asleep, lay down with him, wait until he relaxes again, move him over to his spot and pray he doesn't wake up. If he wakes up we start all over again. Most of the time if he does wake up right away he wants nothing but nursing. I've never been one to let my babies cry themselves to sleep but I've been tempted a few times. It's sad because the biggest thing stopping me is that I don't have a crib to put him in and wouldn't have anyplace to put it even if I did.

I need sleep!

I need to post here first

2007-09-22T07:13:00.000-07:00

It seems I get all my internet stuff done first and then there is no time left over for posting on my blog. Maybe I will start posting here first then read email and if there is time left over then I can read others blogs. We will see. I soooo enjoy reading about others lives! Yep, I admit, I'm nosy!

JK and JA are so very very busy with school. It seems they have more work to do than they have time but they chose to take the classes they took so they will just have to figure it out. JK needs to figure out there is not time to read whatever he wants to anymore. He needs to read the assignments first and then read leisure stuff when he gets done. JA does pretty good and gets most of his stuff done but he also needs to buckle down a bit more. They have memorized "To be or not to be" this week. They are working on elocution, that is speaking in public, using it. This week they have to memorize the famous part of Romeo and Juliet "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art though Romeo" That will be fun"! LOL I'm going to have a couple of romanticists hanging around my home for awhile!

M is learning about Egypt. She is doing great at going above and beyond. She has read most of the books on the additional reading list and is studying all the books that we have around the house on Egypt. Last week she got to dress up like an Egyptian princess, make up and everything! She is on the verge of going beyond me in math. She is doing fractions and fractions is something I've always struggled with. I told her her brothers or her Dad may have to take over very soon.

A is thoroughly enjoying her art class. She made a tooth fairy box and a bag last week. She very desperately wants to learn how to read but doesn't want to put in the time to learn. She also memorizes everything really quickly so I never know if, when she reads to me, it is words she has memorized or if she is really reading it.

S is just S. She seems to follow in her sisters footsteps with everything so it's hard to know what her interests are. Her birthday is Sunday and it was very hard to pick gifts that I know SHE will like and not what her big sister would love and therefore S would like. We bought some things last night so hopefully we will be ok.

JZ is still on the verge of walking but just not there yet. He can stand for long periods of time and take 4-5 steps but thats about it. I was watching another little guy at church that is 2 days older than JZ and he is walking so well. His Mom had to take him out of the meeting and I watched as she was able to send him out the door in front of her and she was carrying only her bag. Yeah, I have to admit a bit of jealousy. Otoh, the list of words he can say is growing by leaps and bounds. The other day JK got in the car and JZ says to him "Kaboom"! LOL He also said "Grandma" yesterday. He is signing a ton, as well.

As for midwifery, it's going. Thats about it. I did have some good news, though. The midwife I'm working under told me I was going to be crazy busy with births in October. I am getting much better at find fetal heart tones and measuring bellies. Not so great yet at figuring out baby position but I haven't had a lot of chances to try yet.

For now I'm busy trying to get my house completely organized. I'm tired of the "for now"s. The little things that I put someplace and say "I will put this here for now and figure out what to do with it later". I'm nearly done with my bedroom and about 1/2 done with my bathroom. We got the garage nearly done but we can't finish it until some things are done in the house, so it's ok. It's close enough that I could park my car in there with just a few adjustments.

Oh, yeah, my trip to Vegas. Lots of fun. Especially the drive down by myself with my 14mo! LOL Actually he did really good. We left very early in the morning so he slept through the majority of the drive. I had plenty of time to get down there so it wasn't a problem the few times I had to stop to take care of him. Unfortunately when we got there we had a huge mishap. I put him in the stroller for just a second while I turned around to get some things to load into the stroller and he fell out. He cut open the inside of his lip really bad. I was not thrilled about finding an instacare by myself in Vegas so I didn't get it stitched up and it looks like I made the right decision because it looks fine now. He just spent the whole time in Vegas looking like he had a pouty lip!

It's been a crazy few weeks

2007-09-04T12:42:00.001-07:00

School has started but we have been busy with all the back to school activities and meetings. We've also been busy cleaning out our garage so that we can park in there this winter. Unfortunately now the mess is inside my house! LOL So now I get to spend the next week getting it all put away.

JA started an English class today, AC was supposed to start a craft class today but the teachers daughter was sick so she will start next week, the boys youth group classes will start this Thursday and M's history class will also start on Thursday. Wednesday I have a staff meeting with the midwife I'm apprenticing with, Thursday is our Anniversary. We are going up to our family cabin to spend the night. Without my baby! That will be weird. AC's birthday was Monday but we are having her party on Saturday. So.....we have a very busy week planned! Next week will also be very busy.

The best news is that I've lost 10 pounds! Yippee!

A title

2007-08-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

I'm terrible at coming up with titles for my posts because my posts just seem to be about life in general. I suppose it could be "free soap!" because I got 5 bottles of free laundry soap yesterday using PYP and a $10 gift certicate. That should last us about 3 months! I was pretty happy about that.

I guess I could also title it "Happy Birthday JK" since today is his 15th birthday. 15 years ago today at this time I was checking in to labor and delivery. It was a textbook delivery. 12 hour labor, epidural at 12, prom at 2, pit at 3, push twice and deliver baby about 7. I wish I knew then what I know now but I learned things so it's ok. He is such a sweet boy! So incredibly responsible and easy to get along with. I tell him to be home at a certain time and he is home. Tell him to clean his room and he cleans it. We rarely argue about anything. JZ adores him and he is a very responsible babysitter.

I could title it "Finally over the sickies!" JA and A got it Saturday night but the only thing that happened was that they couldn't sleep and just didn't feel good. M and JK got it Sunday and they got it really bad. Both threw up and got diarhea and felt terrible for two days. Yesterday was the first really good day for everyone.

M saw the dr on Tuesday for her tummy pain. She said the symptoms point toward two things. Chronic constipation, which I doubt, and gallbladder. We did an xray to rule out the constipation and a bunch of blood tests. If the xray comes back normal we will do some tests on her gallbladder. I should hear back from them today.

For those in my area, you need to come to a pampering/ moms day (hour) out open house at my house. I have a friend that makes lotions and other pampering fun out of her home. Everybody raves about her lotions! Plus it's kind of cool cause she leaves everything unscented and you get to choose your scent from about 50 different scents. If you want to come it's from 11-2 on Saturday.

Hum I think that is all for this update. Oh yeah, rebecca asked me about recipes. The lasagna recipe was just a basic lasagna recipe. You don't have to cook the noodles first either. Just layer it in your crockpot, noodles uncooked but hamburger cooked, and then cook it until it's done. I started it on high about 3 and we ate at 6 and it could have used at least another hour. As for the yogurt, I will post that later since I have to look up the recipe.

And on it went

2007-08-09T07:28:00.000-07:00

The bread I made on Tuesday never did rise so we attempted to make tortilla's. Attempted is the key word! LOL They turned out more like Indian fry bread so I saved them for exactly that. I haven't had time to make any more bread either so I think I will just pick some up from the store instead. My yogurt did fine and is yummy. Lasagna was ok. I trusted dh to be able to tell the difference between a lasagna noodle that was sort of soft and one that was done and, well, he didn't quite so the noodles weren't quite done. Still edible though so it's ok.

So, I went to Bye Bye Birdie and about 1/2 hour before the end of the play, dh texted me and said JZ threw up all over our bed. He hadn't any indication that he was sick before I left except that he wasn't thrilled with the lasagna. That isn't unusual so I didn't think much about it. He threw up the rest of the night and all day Wednesday. I feel bad because I couldn't help a friend move like I had promised because of him being sick. He threw up last night just before bedtime but he hasn't since then so hopefully we are done with it. I'm praying nobody else gets it too!

Life goes by fast!

2007-08-07T14:38:00.000-07:00

Amazing how my "days off" get filled up incredibly fast! Sunday was crazy as always. We went to Grandma and Grandpa's house for dinner after Sunday. Dh's Sister and BIL were telling us how incredibly bad the schools are where they live. The kids are continuously faced with making decisions that I would never dream of at that age. It brings to mind the prophesy " Bad will be made to look good and Good will look bad", something to that effect. And you wonder why we homeschool! Of course this is the area 45 min south of where I live that is well known for it's crimes but I wonder how much longer before it gets worse in this area.

Yesterday I didn't have any prenatals until 6:30 so I had sort of a day off. My sil has been asking me to teach her how to use coupons and shop the sales using the http://www.pinchingyourpennies.com site. So I invited her down and just before she got here one of my sweet friends brought me 2 years worth of Midwifery Today to read! YIPPEE! Thats Christmas for me! I then spent about 3 hours with my sil teaching her how to do it and doing the actual shopping. Somewhere in between there my fil stopped by to pick up a drill that dh was supposed to get ready and didn't. So I had to go out to the garage amidst chaos and find this drill and two bits, not having even a clue what I was looking for! LOL I did finally find them after a bit of trial and error, thank goodness. But why is it my inlaws only come when I'm in the middle of chaos?

I left right after dinner to go to the prenatal we had and then got home about 8:30 and crashed. I was tired! Then I woke up at 4:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. So I'm very sleepy today.

Today I was scheduled to have prenatals from 9:00 until 12:00 but the last two didn't show so I was home by 12:00. That was nice but brilliant me, I decided I would use the time to make much needed bread and yogurt and put lasagna in the crockpot. I realized I didn't have cheese so, brilliant me, I took the 4 younger kids to the store. Great idea, Mom! LOL So here I sit, hoping my lasagna will get done by dinner time, praying my bread will raise and my yogurt will set. Oh, yeah, and with a burn on my arm to show for it. The tomato sauce for the lasagna spit at me while it was simmering. I couldn't believe how fast it burned my skin. Sigh! All the while I was wishing I was at calm prenatals. LOL

Tonight I get to go see Bye-Bye Byrdie with the Relief Society. I didn't think I'd be able to go although I dearly wanted to, but someone gave me a ticket they weren't going to use. Yay!

Weight loss ticker

2007-08-04T08:07:00.000-07:00

I've decided it's time for more accountability in my weight loss success. I had lost 5.5 and now 4 lbs are back! Blech! I've been saying for several weeks that "today was just a bad day, I don't always eat like this". It suddenly occurred to me that every day was like that and, yes, I do eat that bad! Not good! My biggest problem is that I eat way too much junk food. It has got to change. Both my parents have Type II diabetes and I have a brother that is teetering on the edge of it and I am determined to not join them! I have got to start eating healthy TODAY!!! I don't even care so much about losing the actual pounds since I'm just barely on the edge of weighing more than I should. I just need to start eating right. Thank goodness I already have the exercise down. I go walking/bike riding with a friend 5 days a week. Dh and I have been making a small effort to go Saturday's too but the last month of Saturdays have been way too busy to go.

These are my hangups, the things I need to work on:
-I am breastfeeding so I feel hungry all the time. I need to just learn to stay out of the kitchen.
-I drive 2 hours one day a week, sometimes twice. I always get the munchies when I drive long distances.
-I am a huge chocoholic and so is the rest of my family. If we don't have treats around my family feels terribly deprived. I've been able to say no before, I can do it again.
-Date nights. I need to get dh to take me to better places so I can make better choices.

With that said, here are my goals:
-Stay out of the kitchen during non-eating times. Remember to take one extra minute to eat a healthy snack versus an easy grab.
-Take an extra few minutes the night before my long drive to get some snacks together for the long drive. Pick up some good for me crackers to keep in the car in case I don't have time or forget.
-Just say NO. I've done it before, I can do it again. My Mom gave me some turtles that she bought me on a trip to Yellowstone. I am so tempted to just hurry and eat them all today so I can start tomorrow but I know the better thing to do is to give them to my kids.
-Tell dh my plans so he can help me make healthier choices on our date nights.
-Update http://www.blogger.com/www.fitday.com everyday to help me stay honest with myself.

So, here we go! I have no goals to finish by a certain date because this needs to be a life long change but maybe I will give myself a small reward for every 5 lb loss or for every 5 days of eating right.

Grandma's house

2007-08-03T12:57:00.000-07:00

The big kids have spent the last two days at Grandma's house helping her clean house. It is hard on my only because I get used to have big kids help when I need to get things done, so needless to say, I haven't gotten very much done!

Last night I went to a homeschooling meeting for our teen group. It has put a lot of my worries for the year to rest. I was worried because I knew the boys would want to take some scholar level classes and I knew they would be super busy, like studying 5 or more hours per day for each class. It turns out that all of the scholar level classes won't be offered this year. Each of my sons will have two scholar level classes, one each semester. They will also be taking them together, which also works really well for them. JA tends to push JK while JK tends to keep JA on earth so it's a good thing. They will also be taking a public speaking class/parliamentary procedure class and Shakespeare and JK will be taking Ballroom dance again.

In the midwifery news I learned how to draw blood this morning! I got it on the first try, too. I'm blaming it on beginners luck, though. The girl I did it on had great veins. We also went through the birth center that S owns and she showed us where all the supplies were. Now I just need to go on a few births.

It's time for my family to join the world of blogging

2007-08-02T07:58:00.000-07:00

It seems to be the best and easiest way to keep in touch with those that I seem to be slowly losing contact with. Hopefully I can even get pics up, which I always seem to have a hard time getting around to.