As if I didn't have enough on my plate

Lets see, where to start? JA went in yesterday for his regular diabetic checkup and it's not good news. In spite of all the changes we've made and watching his blood sugar checks closer (obviously still not close enough) his average blood sugar (Aic) is still way too high (10.7). The Dr needs to know if he is getting the right amount of insulin and the only way to really do that is to put him in the children's hospital for a few days. We have to check in today after one and then he will be there until Thursday. As much as I would love to stay there with him the whole time I just can't imagine I will get much sleep on those lovely hospital beds with my big ol fat pregnant body! LOL So I will come home during the night and stay there all day.

Sunday, SR had a fever. Actually she was complaining first about a rash on her bottom. It didn't look like a diaper rash type of thing (she wears pullups at night) but I wasn't really sure what it was. She said she felt fine otherwise so we all got ready and went to church. As soon as we got there I realized she had a fever so dh brought her home (10yo was home sick, next story!). Monday I looked at the sores again and realized they looked like chicken pox. I still don't know for sure what it is because she only has the three on her bottom and she got them before the fever but they really look like what I remember cp looking like. Since we don't know for sure we are going to treat her as if she has it and take the proper precautions. I was concerned about putting JA in the childrens hospital but the nurse assured me that since he has been vaccinated they won't worry about it. I haven't a clue where she was exposed (to those who are wondering I didn't ever expose her on purpose like I considered. If it is cp obviously the Lord decided for me).

MA has a horrible raw throat with little white spots on it. She started up with a fever on Sunday and the sore throat has gotten to the point where she has quit eating. So I'm going to get her tested for strep today.

So this is my day. I need to take MA to the dr, get JA packed for the hospital and the rest of the kids packed for Grandma's, make some phone calls to make arrangements for the kids, call the midwife I'm working under to discuss situation, pick up prescriptions that my kids will run out of during hospital stay, take all the kids to Grandma's, drop JK and AC off at their classes and then head to the hospital. I won't mind the break at the hospital, though!

Someday I may

get around to keeping this blog current all the time. Someday my house may be clean again. Someday my fridge won't look like a science project Someday my girls won't have to borrow each others underwear or struggle to find something to wear because the laundry will be caught up. Someday I will be able to do a lot of things. Today and probably not any time soon will not be that day.

Yeah, I'm a bit discouraged. I had to miss prenatals again today. I am soooo not happy about it. I missed the last birth that came up, thank goodness it was a transfer (obviously not for the Mom but it did make me a little less bummed about it). If any births come up in the next few days I will probably have to miss it too. I went to a midwifery conference last Saturday. Loved it, had tons of fun, learned lots and came home feeling crampy with hugely swollen ankles. I let someone rub them for me knowing all along that it could cause problems but it felt heavenly and actually helped quite a bit. They went down a bit and I had to pee soon after (sorry TMI! LOL) Unfortunately the cramping started up within 1/2 hour and by the time I got home I was doubled over in pain and could barely walk. My family was at my Mom's celebrating JA's bday so I had to go there first when I really wanted to just go home. I had a quick bite to eat, we opened presents and ate cake then I got dh to drive us home and leave his car there.

Anyway, the cramping didn't stop until Wednesday, then the contractions started up. I ended up having to take terbutaline for the first time this pregnancy. I avoided it as long as I could cause I really hate how it makes me feel but after trying everything I could think of and contractions getting way too close together and painful it was time to do something different. Today is much better with just a bit of cramping and very few contractions. I told a friend today that I will spend a few more days down and then try to increase my activity and she said she thought those increased activity days were over. I know in my heart that is probably true but I'm soooo not happy about it. I'm still hanging on to the hope that I can keep going to births until the end of May.

I struggle a lot these days with anger. I struggle with not knowing what to do or where to go with my life. I want to make plans anyway and keep hoping but I'm slowly losing that hope. I want to ask a lot of why's but then I think why not? What makes me so special that I think I won't struggle. More than anything I don't trust any thought that I think might come from the Lord because that's why I'm in trouble now. I still have a basic strong testimony that God lives and He knows I exist but beyond that, I'm struggling.

I desperately need dh to go through storage and find maternity clothes for me and short sleeved clothes for the kids. Most of his evening are very busy, some days he doesn't get home until 7:30, then he spends the rest of the evening cooking dinner, running kids back and forth, doing laundry, going to the grocery store etc so I don't know when he will have time. His Saturday's end up getting filled up with other things that come up so I may just have to figure out how to do it without him. He is such a sweetheart, though, he never complains!

Sorry to complain so much. I will try to post some upbeat posts soon.