Hum, problems? Might be TMI for some

I'm not sure what to think about this little person! She is sooo sweet! But nursing her has become very, very frustrating. I had to finally break down last night and pump so I could feed her with a bottle. I'll start from the beginning so I can tell you whats happening.

First 24 hours she was a sleepy baby. I think she nursed 2-3 times. It was hard to get her to latch on but is that completely unusual? Not really, especially since she is a preemie, so I didn"t worry. I was super sore all the time but I was sore before she was even born so I was still not too concerned. Sometime during the second 24 hours she started eating more frequently and I could tell she was ravenous and anxious for my milk to increase. I could tell by the night of the second day that it was, in fact, increasing. That was still a frustrating night with her not being satisfied with nursing even though I allowed her to suck as long as she wanted. It took me awhile to get her latched on but once she finally did I could hear swallowing, feel let down and could see milk coming out. Yet, still, she never seemed satisfied. Morning of day 4 I could definitely say my milk had come in but I never did feel the incredibly engorged feeling that I normally feel. My breast size had increased and I was very sore and full but not the hard full I have experienced with every baby in the past. I didn't think much about it except that it was nice that I didn't experience that this time.

Finally, on day 4, after nursing her for 45 min on one side and an hour on the other, I gave her a binkie. I felt like she just needed that extra sucking time and I just don't have the time or energy to allow her 24/7 access to the breast. On day 5 she had a dr's appt. I told him the issues we've been having but agreed she just had a high sucking need. Her poop had progressed from meconium to a greenish/yellowish seedy poop and she'd had at least 3-4 wet diapers the last two days so we figured she was getting enough. I asked him to clip her tongue cause I knew she had a tight frenulum and was pretty sure that would make a huge difference in her latch.

Night of day 5 was a nightmare. It took me 1/2 hour just to get her latched on and then she nursed for at least an hour on one side. I finally decided it was time to switch and then same story. It took at least 1/2 hour to get her latched on then she nursed for an hour. After that I gave her a binkie and she finally, at 3:30 in the morning, fell asleep. She slept until 5:30 then we were up until 7:30 with the same story. Nursing went ok during the day, still having problems with latching but not quite as bad. Unfortunately her stool went back to a dark green color and was not very wet. She peed twice while I was changing her but I don't think she ever had any more in her diapers.

Last night, day 6, was another nightmare. I tried for an hour to get her latched on. Never could do it. She was starved and frustrated and I was exhausted. I finally handed her to dh and went and pumped out what I could. I got out about 1 1/2 oz, she drank it after a bit of convincing her that could get yummy stuff out of this wierd tasting plastic thing and for the first time in a week was actually content and happy when she finished. I have to admit that it was so nice to have her full and it was relatively easy and pain free (physically speaking of course, I bawled the entire time I pumped!) She woke up about 2 hours later, I went out to the couch so dh could sleep (he had to return to work today after taking the week off) and she latched on after just a few minutes. She nursed well and slept another 2 hours. Got up and tried to nurse her and once again, never could get her latched on. I finally gave her to 14yo ds so I could pump.

So here is what I'm wondering. Most people would say I should have never given her a binkie. I have thought that also but thinking back over the history I think she has had issues from day one. I don't think the binkie made any difference. I also think that maybe have her frenulum clipped made things worse instead of better. I think she is not getting enough from me and that my supply is dwindling quickly. So something has to change today or we could be in trouble. The other thing I'm wondering is if she has some sort of oral motor issue. Becky? If she does is there any hope of ever breastfeeding her? Is there anyone who would be willing to diagnose a baby at this age and is there things we can do today from an speech therapy pov? I already realize that a bottle/binkie route could/will make things worse but I don't know that, in the middle of the night, I had any other choice. And what do I do now? My plan is to continue trying to get her latched on but also start pumping so I can both get my supply back to where it should be and get some food into this baby regardless of whether not she is able to latch on. Is there any other suggestions?

Kirstin Alaina is here!!!

Born at 36.1 weeks, 7 am this morning in the car. Long crazy story I will tell later but she weighs (we think, we have to double check it) 7 lbs 9 oz and is 18 1/2 in long.

Can't we just be patient???

Ugh, it's driving me crazy! The minute the stitch is out everyone wants me to do everything I can to "get that baby out of you". I'm not even 36 weeks, for heaven's sake! Yesterday I did some light cleaning but since I'm still not up to par yet I'm resting a lot in between. I mentioned to my Mom that everytime I walked the contractions got closer together, I was exhausted and needed a nap more than I needed to run errands with her. She said "well, isn't that what you want? To walk so you can deliver that baby?" Um, not if I'm exhausted and it's not going anywhere anyway! URGH! Besides we want this baby to cook as much as she can before my body has decided it's done. Granted it would have been nice if she had come while my sis was visiting from California since she has never been here for any of my births and usually doesn't get to see them until they are at least 3 months old but it wasn't worth it to do everything I could to achieve that.

The only thing I'm nervous for is that there is a storm coming the next two days and we have a full moon on Friday and dh is having minor surgery on Thursday. He won't be ANY help for at least three days after the surgery. I'm a little nervous that I will go into labor that night or the next day. We have joked about how we will just both be laid up together and the kids would just have to do everything but the truth is I'm not thrilled about the idea, especially since he is my rock while in labor. I don't know how I will get through it without him. If I'm going to go into labor soon I'm praying it will come today or tomorrow or will wait until after Sunday.

I remember

With Jaxon I was super anxious for him to come. I think it was mostly because I was in an incredible amount of pain and my ankles were super swollen. This time I'm much more settled about her coming when she wants to come. I'm not in a ton of pain, a little bit but it's manageable. I just feel free. Like for once I can just settle back and really enjoy whats left of this pregnancy and not worry so much about every contraction that I have. I can get in the tub because *I* want to and not because I'm worried about a string of contractions I've been having. I can carry things up and down the stairs without worrying about putting too much stress on the stitch. I guess I just feel like I can just have a relatively normal life for awhile. Now if I could just get my Mom to quit thinking I need to go to the hospital every time I've had contractions 10 min apart for several hours. I've done this before, I think I can figure it out! LOL Now we just need a bit of money so I can buy some of the things I still need before the baby comes.

Anyone interested in a Chevy Venture? We desperately need to sell it cause we are going to outgrow it any day now! LOL OTOH, we are looking for a 9 passenger suburban and a subaru outback or legacy to buy. Anyone selling one?

I'm a free woman!!!

Wish I could do something about it but, afterall, I am only 35 weeks.

My cervical stitch was removed today. I thought the dr would wait another week or two but apparently all the hard contractions were doing more than I thought they were. I went in for my regular prenatal today and after I told him about the problems I've been having he decided he better check me. He said my cervix was very swollen, the stitch was acting like a tourniquet and digging in my cervix pretty bad. It really needed to come out.

Since then I've had so much cramping that I can barely walk most of the time. The contractions haven't changed much except they are more intense. It will take several days of this to get past the scar tissue that the stitch causes so I don't expect to go into labor anytime soon. It would be really nice if my body would take a chill pill for two more weeks so I can have a homebirth but I don't think it's likely to happen.

So, I will keep things updated as much as possible but I can't promise anything.

A driver and an independant child!!!

Thats our good news for the week! JK took his drivers test on Monday and PASSED on the first try! I was so happy for him! He hasn't taken a real test in over 8 years so he was nervous and I was a little nervous for him. It's just a learners permit so he's not really an official driver yet but it will be nice to let someone else drive occasionally. Now he's bugging me every day to take him driving.

As for the independant child, JZ has been sleeping in his own bed for about a week now. Granted, he's sleeping with his sister and his mattress is on our floor but he's out of our bed!!!! I was beginning to worry that we would have two in our bed and I was soooo not thrilled with that. We finally realized that he would sleep there all night if he slept with AC and it makes AC happy because she would much rather sleep in our room so it works well. I don't know how she can stand his restlessness, though. Before we discovered this we could get him to fall asleep in his bed but he would always wake up about midnight and get in bed with us. Now he sleeps all night with AC. I can't tell you how happy I am about this. Now if I can just get him to quit hitting!

Things have finally improved

Well, mostly. Apparently some feel that their need is more than mine so I have lost my biggest helpers, my boys. I don't know how I'm going to get by without their help except that dh and MA can't do it all and I won't expect them to.

I have had my sis taking care of JZ 5 days and I had her bring him home yesterday. 5 days is just too long for a little, not even two yo boy to be away from his Mommy but last night was a challenge for me. Dh's allergies are acting up again so he had a migraine. JZ is very clingy from his days away, understandable, but it was about all I could do to take care of him. This is just not good for me but I'm at a loss as to what else to do.

The good news is that the contractions seem to have settled down for now. It's been several days since I've had to time anything at all concerning. I actually got out for a few hours to run some errands with a friend. I mostly rode in the car with one exception but that felt really good to get out. It usually takes a day or two for activity to affect me so today or tomorrow will tell if the activity and having JZ home makes a difference in contractions.

I told my friend yesterday that I've never been entirely certain that any of the contractions would ever lead any where. I've never actually had a preemie baby and some women just contract like crazy and it never goes any where. Otoh, I have had three different times, three different pg's, that I've torn past the stitch in my cervix. One time was with no contractions, hence the incompetant cervix. The other two times was because of contractions. If I can contract hard enough to dialate past the stitch it only makes sense that I should be careful and any precautions I'm doing ARE helping. I could let go and see where the contractions end up but if I'm wrong and I end up delivering a preemie baby I would always regret it. So what choice do I have?

The other good news is that I only have two more weeks to stitch removal!!!! Yippee!!! I'm 34 weeks today.